“You don’t have to spare my feelings. I know I made mistakes. We both did. There must have been things I did to make you feel like you weren’t good enough for me, and I wish you’d tell me so that I don’t do it again.”
“I don’t want to rehash it.”
“Because it’s painful for you?”
Another extended silence and then, “That night at Matteo’s party, when Liam said what he said. I think maybe, some part of you, agreed with him.”
He was right, though I’d tried to hide it. Liam gave voice to all of my insecurities, in a very unkind way. “If I did, it came from a place of fear. I was scared to lose you. I never doubted your feelings toward me, though I did wonder…”
“What did you wonder?”
“You have an assortment of very rich men, most of them willing to give you whatever you want, and probably with a lot less hassle, and yet, you still chose to be with me. Why was that?”
He grunted in frustration. “Michael, that’s the stupidest question you’ve ever asked me.”
“Why is that stupid?”
“You must think I’m really superficial.”
“I don’t, Arden. Not at all. I think you have incredible depth. It’s why I—” I cleared my throat, catching myself in time. “It’s why I’ve always enjoyed our conversations.”
“Then you should know you gave me everything I could possibly want. Your time and attention, your praise. You made me believe… and I thought that maybe just this once…” He faltered.
“It was real,” I said.
“Yes, it was real. The only real relationship I’ve had since my father died. I didn’t have to hide anything… and you just… understood.”
I did understand him, at least, everything he allowed me to see. His personality had always been prismatic, only ever revealing one facet at a time, but I’d paid attention, and I’d learned.
“I miss you,” I said.
There was another long silence, and then, “We should probably talk soon. In person.”
I nodded on my end. “Yes, I think that’s a good idea.”
20
the announcement
We set a date for the very next day, and I spent several hours going over exactly what I might say to win him back. Words had always been my wheelhouse. But even if I crafted the perfect argument and delivered it eloquently, I couldn’t make the decision for both of us. Arden had to want it too.
And what if he didn’t?
We met for coffee at a café in Greenpoint. I should have known something was off straight away because Arden ordered a muffin and a latte with whole milkandsyrup. I wanted to ask him about this holy trinity of no-no’s, but I worried it might border on invasive. And we’d spent too much time apart for me to tease him.
He wore a pair of well-worn, faded jeans and a long-sleeved Guy Harvey t-shirt, looking every bit the transplanted Florida native. I might have assumed he was planning on going fishing later if the weather weren’t so terrible.
“You look…” A dozen words ran through my mind—handsome, pretty, lovely, ravishing… Despite all the compliments I wished to shower upon him, I landed on “well.”
Arden grinned, showing off that dimple I’d missed so much.
“You lookwelltoo, Michael,” he teased.
I cleared my throat. Partly due to nerves and also because I didn’t want to waste another moment apart, I launched into my speech. It was an apology, of sorts, as well as an earnest assurance to try harder in the future. I wanted him to know that I thought of him as my equal in every way, and that it was never my intention to demean him. I was just reaching the crescendo of my monologue when Arden interrupted with, “I’m leaving New York.”
I sat back in my chair as if I’d been sucker punched. “Excuse me.”
“I’m going to work on the boat. Get her ready to sail again.”
