One night, Kyle and Seth were “cooking up dinner” in Seth’s kitchen, and I was bedazzling a black leather corset for the band’s upcoming show. Petty Crime was playing out again at The Tomahawk on Halloween night, and the band was going dressed as characters from theRocky Horror Picture Show.Seth, predictably, was Dr. Frank N. Furter, Mitchell was Riff Raff, Dean was Eddie, Sabrina was Columbia, and I was Rocky Horror, Frank’s lab creation. My job, according to Seth, was to lounge around on a chaise they’d set up onstage and read a book, stopping on occasion to casually strut across the stage in my shiny, gold underwear. I predicted that having me onstage would be a disaster, but as Seth argued, I’d signed that piece of paper, which meant my dignity came second to the band’s needs.
Seth was telling Kyle about the show, and Kyle was saying he’d try to make it. They brought the finished product to the coffee table where I was working. I moved my jewels and fabric aside to make room for them. Seth and Kyle both admired my work—Seth saying I was far better at evenly spacing the studs than he was. Kyle, not having seen Rocky Horror, asked if the corset was part of my costume.
“No, this is for Seth. My costume is even worse if you can believe it.”
Kyle’s eyes widened. “Really?”
“So shiny, so elastic,” Seth said while leering at me. He’d already gotten a lot of mileage out of that purchase. “If you want to see Hiroku in his gold undies, you’ll have to come to our show.”
“Keep Austin Weird,” Kyle said. It was our city’s unofficial motto and one that we art freaks kept authentic. “I wish I was gay. I’d get so much play with these classic good looks.” He raked his hand through his tousled waves of golden brown hair and preened a little for our amusement. We both laughed. Kyle was about 99% heterosexual, so it made him an easy friend for both of us to share.
Then Seth turned his attention to laying out the lines with fastidious attention. Dosage was important to him. And timing. Kyle watched Seth’s movements as if in a trance. It was like when you were really hungry and you could smell the food as it was being brought to the table.
I remembered what Melody had said about flying.
“Do you think a person could try it without becoming addicted?” I asked them.
Seth stopped what he was doing and glanced up at me. Kyle’s brow furrowed at the interruption but seemed to pick up on Seth’s shift in attention.
“I think you could,” Seth said carefully.
I’d tried to make it seem like it was only a hypothetical question, but Seth knew my intent. “Are you sure about that?” As an expert on both me and getting high, I trusted Seth to know if I could handle it or not.
“Positive. And I’ll be right here with you. I’ll watch over you and make sure nothing goes wrong.”
I bit my lower lip and looked at the white lines laid out like a measure of music.
“Do you think I should?” I asked Kyle. I needed a second opinion on this.
Kyle glanced over at Seth, and something unknown to me passed between them.
“Seth would know better than me,” Kyle said. “But I would only take a little bit your first time.”
“One line,” Seth said, swiping away the others with a credit card in one deft movement.
I stared at it, having second thoughts. Seth scooted sideways and motioned me over. I sat down in front of the line and swallowed. It looked so innocuous, like a thin line of baby powder or baking soda, and it was such a small amount. Seth handed me the snipped-off straw.
Like when I got my first piercing or jumped off that cliff at McKinney Falls, Seth was right beside me, but my stomach was still in knots, and my head felt a little dizzy. My heart sounded like a too fast drumbeat in my ears.
Seth rubbed my back and whispered reassuring words. “I’m right here with you, Hiroku. I won’t let anything bad happen to you. You’re safe with me.”
I knew it was a bad idea—possibly my worst idea—but I couldn’t contain my curiosity. I took a deep breath, exhaled, then leaned over and inhaled through the straw, sharp and fast. The powder tickled my nostrils and then burned my sinuses and made my head ache just a little bit. Seth sat behind me and guided me back against his chest. My head fell against his shoulder, and he kissed my forehead.
“I don’t think it’s working,” I told him.
“Just wait.” Seth gazed down at me with a tender expression.
I sucked in my lips and glanced listlessly around the room. Both Seth and Kyle were watching me like their personal science experiment. Kyle looked a little anxious, his eyes like saucers, and I wanted to reassure him that I was okay.
I took a few more breaths and gazed vacantly around the room. And then it hit me—a full body relaxation followed by a surge of unimaginable pleasure, raising me up off the carpet of Seth’s apartment and levitating me into the air. My entire body was encased in the most delicate silk-spun cloud of sunshine and rainbows, caressing every nerve ending with a loving touch, lifting me up, up and away.
“I love you more than anything else in this world,” Seth whispered with tears in his eyes, but I was a helium balloon, and he was so far away and getting smaller and more irrelevant by the second.
There was no room in my mind for Seth or anything else. All of that space was taken up by this all-encompassing and otherworldly pleasure.
“Hallelujah,” I uttered as my soul escaped my body.
It was better than falling in love.
