“I’d say there was some strategy involved,” I said cheekily. Whether Seth was straight, or hopefully not, he was easy to flirt with.
Seth had nothing with him, so I offered him a swig from my water bottle. He leaned back and squirted some of the water into his mouth, catching the wetness that dribbled out of the corner with his tattooed wrist. His neck was slick and beaded with sweat. I wanted to lick at the droplets with my tongue. I couldn’t tell if Seth was making the simple act of drinking water sexual or if it was my raging hormones leading me there.
“What are you up to now?” Seth asked, handing me back my water bottle.
“I got to get home.” My mom was pretty strict about us all eating dinner together, even with my sister Mai’s busy schedule.
Seth glanced around as though just realizing how late it had gotten. “Streetlights will be coming on soon,” he mused. “Can I walk you home?”
“Yeah, sure,” I said, still in a daze. The way he said it,walk you home. Wouldn’t a straight guy saywalk with you?Walking me home sounded almost…courtly.
We said goodbye to the others and headed down the sidewalk. Shady Creek was a tree-lined suburb of Austin, fairly affluent and close enough to my high school that I could ride my bike there instead of taking the bus.
“You go to Hilliard?” Seth asked.
“Yeah, you?”
“Every so often. How come I’ve never seen you around?”
Because I’m forgettable, is what I thought, but what I said is, “I just started.”
“You’re a freshman?” His eyebrows lifted with genuine surprise. He looked away then, and I worried he was regretting this…whatever it was. I hoped not.
“And you’re a senior,” I said, deflated.
“Yeah, but…” Seth glanced over and perhaps sensing I needed some reassurance, added, “That doesn’t mean we can’t be friends.”
“Friends,” I echoed, but the way he was looking at me, the way my body was responding, I didn’t think friendship was what he had in mind.
Besides, I had enough friends already.
Seth came to a few more of our basketball games, always wearing shredded jeans and shoes that were not equipped for sports. Tousled hair, lean muscles, a small mole just above his upper lip, a habit of gesturing with his hands when he was excited. I tucked away those bits, dissecting our interactions while we were apart. An hour with Seth equaled at least three hours of obsessing on my own time.
Did that thing I said sound stupid?
Did he laugh because he thought it was funny or was he just being polite?
When he touched my arm, what did it mean?
I’d seen him in school a few times as well. Just when I thought he was going to pass by me in the hall, he’d glance over with a smile as if to say,this one’s just for you.
After every basketball game, Seth walked me home. I didn’t quite understand his attraction to me. I was a scrawny punk. Not poor, but certainly not rich. Smart enough, but slow to the punch. I looked a little different from the other kids at school, but not in a way that made me desirable.
Regardless, I enjoyed those walks. Seth asked good questions, ones that showed he was paying attention. He made me think about things in a way I hadn’t before.
“What’s it like being Japanese in Texas?” he asked me one day about two weeks after we’d met on the courts.
I was tempted to lie, but he’d listened to me so far without judgment. I wanted to be truthful with him.
“In a lot of ways, it’d be a whole lot easier if I wasn’t.”
I told Seth about some of the questions kids had asked me over the years.Why is your name so weird? Why are your eyes slanted? Or, why don’t you open your eyes all the way? Why aren’t you good at computers? Do you know karate?In middle school, there were a few slurs aimed in my direction, but more than that was the sense that other kids held me at arm’s length, like no matter how many common interests we shared, there would always be this fundamental divide between us.
I told all of that to Seth, and he listened, really listened. It was an intoxicating feeling, to not only be heard but to be understood.
“How do you know it’s not you pushing other people away?” Seth asked. “Like, as a defense mechanism.”
His observation kind of blew my mind. What if he was right? Maybe I’d insulated myself from everyone to prevent the jerks from getting in. “I’ve never thought about it like that before. Pretty dumb, huh?” I glanced over to gauge his reaction. His opinion mattered to me. A lot.
