“You have been right there or at least adjacent to all of this new behavior,” I told him. “Could be you’re a bad influence.”
“I have always wanted to be a bad influence,” he said, sounding almost wistful. Then he shook his head. “But no. This is all you. Why not just own it?”
Snap!That same light popped on over our heads. This time, I drew back so quickly, I banged my elbow against a nearby stool, sending it into a noisy spin.
“Dude,”Clark moaned as it rattled off the dock completely, hitting the pavement below. “Seriously? Why can’t you sleep like a normal person?”
“You could move your bed away from the window,” Ben pointed out.
“I need a natural breeze to get my best REM.” Clark ran a hand over his head, eyes closing. “The time for which is ticking,right now, as we both have to be at work in a few hours. Soshut up.”
The light went off again. Ben and I sat there, silent and reprimanded. I was learning that if you do have to get scolded for any reason, it’s always better to have company.
“So,” he whispered finally. “How is your mom?”
“Tired,” I said. And grumpy. After she’d been discharged that afternoon, Liz had driven her home, then stayed on, fussing around Juvie, adjusting pillows and pushing liquids. Finally, my mom had told her to get out and go home, using those words pretty much exactly. All evening I’d been walking the delicate line between staying vigilant while also pretending to ignore her. It was exhausting. “She seems okay, though.”
“What about you?”
“Me?”
He eased back on his palms, spreading his fingers. He was in shorts and the same shirt from that day, which saidEAST RIVER THUNDERover a pattern of bolts. “Her passing out was pretty intense. Make sense if you’re freaked out.”
“I am,” I admitted. “Cancer and hospitals… it’s a lot.”
“You want to talk about it?”
Of course this would be the next question. From him. From anyone. It was my answer that surprised me. “Is it okay if we don’t?”
“Yeah,” he said.
“It’s just,” I began, then stopped when the words didn’t come. Trying again, I managed, “I like that this is separate. From all that, I mean.”
Just the two of us, away from everyone else. The darkness a contrast to the bustling brightness of the Egg. Like two views of a coin, and this was the luckier one.
“Oh,” I said softly. I reached out to put a finger, gently, on his forehead, covering a small constellation of freckles. “Hold on. You… there might be something on you.”
I was hardly convincing. He did not flail or shriek. “Bug?” he whispered.
A beat. Then I slid my hand down his cheek, fingers trailing. I could feel the heat coming off him: His shirt, when I moved down to touch his shoulder, was soft, slightly damp with sweat.
“It’s gone now,” I said.
He blinked at me. Once, twice.Yes,I thought. And then it was happening: He leaned in and our lips touched. Tipping, tipping, and just like that, we were on the other side.
Later, coming back up the driveway, I eyed the door, considering it. Then I went back through the window anyway.
The next morning, my mom passed out again.
The thump came while I was brushing my teeth. I’d had to spit and, froth still on my lips, then run into the kitchen, where I found her on the floor in the open doorway to Juvie. I’d been ready to yell for Lana to call another ambulance. But even coming out of a faint, my mom was able to convince me otherwise.
“I just got up too fast,” she insisted, waving me off as she got to her feet.
“Mom. You can’t—”
“Finley.” She went over to her bed, taking a seat. “I’mfine.”
She wasn’t. Later that day, while I was at work, it happened again. Liz, unlike me, was not swayed by her protests. Now my mom was back in the hospital.
