"She didn't say anything else?"
I sigh again. "She said she was tired, and she just wanted to sleep. Then she told me to get out."
"That doesn't make any sense, and you know it. She fought too hard to just give up both prizes."
I shrug. I don't understand any more than he does. I did what I was supposed to do. I don't know why she changed her mind.
"Want to sleep here?"
We're supposed to be here to learn how to function together, not be together, but I'm too broken tonight to deny myself the comfort of his bed. It's not like we've put all that much work into not being together since we've been here, anyway.
Selfish.
I wake up hours later with sweat and terror clinging to me from the nightmare I can't quite remember. Parker's arm and one of his legs are draped over me and for the first time in our life together it feels oppressive. Like I can't breathe. It unsettles me more than the residual fear leftover from the dream.
"What's wrong?" he grumbles when I shift my weight.
"Nothing," I murmur. "I'm going to get a drink. Go back to sleep."
I untangle myself from him and quietly leave his room, not bothering with a shirt or shoes. I start walking in the direction of the fridge in the lounge area, but I somehow find myself back at the suite where I left Genie. Fuck. I try to turn around, try to leave; but pure, masochistic curiosity keeps my feet planted. I take a breath and slip back inside as silently as possible. I'm here, I might as well find out what I came looking for whether I meant to or not. The bedroom door is open. I won't wake her, I won't go inside the room. Just one peek, then I'm leaving.
Instead of a human female huddled under a pile of blankets, there is a dark brown wolf curled in on herself in the exact place I was laying earlier. I want to leave. Ineedto leave. But this is my wolf's first look at what he knows to be our mate in her shifted form and he has no intention of leaving. His defiant growl vibrates inside me every time I even attempt to look away.
Every few seconds she has a full-body tremble, almost as if she's having the same kind of nightmare I had earlier. A small, soft whimper sounds, but she doesn't wake. Another pitiful sound escapes her and she flinches, her body jerking into a tighter ball on the bed. She jolts awake after another, much louder, whine. She doesn't seem to have noticed that I'm near. Until she does.
She slowly lifts her head, pinning me with a deep amber gaze. No aggression, no acknowledgment other than that solemn, sad stare. It's worse than any glare she could have leveled me with. Hopeless. She looks hopeless.
Look what you've done,my wolf rages, his anger only barely contained by his sorrow.You did this to her.
I didn't mean for this to happen.
She lays her head back down on the bed and tucks her nose into her fur, still looking blankly up at me through the doorway.
You did this,my wolf repeats. Then he turns inward so suddenly that I stagger.
I blink into the female wolf's eyes once more before I back away from the door.
"I'm sorry," I whisper. I don't know if I'm apologizing to her or to my wolf, all I know is that I am truly and horribly sorry.
Parker is still sleeping when I crawl back into his bed. I don't deserve this comfort. Not after seeing the state of Genie. But, just like my wolf said, I'm selfish. And weak. So, I curl into Parker's side and cling to his warmth when everything in me twists and shatters.
Chapter Twenty-eight
Parker
Why does he smell like that?
His feet are still cold so he hasn't been back in bed very long. Not just cold. Damp. Did he walk outside?
What is that scent? It's heavy, almost musty, and the wrong kind of sweet.
“Cross.”
His fingers dig into my side, his arm holding fast when I try to sit up.
“Come on,” I urge, gently pushing his shoulder. “Talk to me. What's wrong?”
It takes too long, but he finally takes a shuddering breath. “I'm not a good alpha,” he says quietly, almost a whisper. “I ruined... I... I'm not a good wolf.”
