“Sit up,” I demand, throwing off the blanket. “What do you mean, you're not a good wolf? What did you do?”
He sits up and bends over his knees, hiding his face and his misery from me. “I put myself first and destroyed everything. Her. You. Me. Ruined.”
I stand up and stomp over to flip the light switch. “What are you talking about? I am not ruined, and neither are you. Tell me what happened. Now.”
“She's ruined,” he says, his hunched shoulders sinking further.
“Cross,” I say sharply. “I'm this close to losing my temper. Give me more information or get out.” I don't want to fight with him, not here or ever, but I don't do well when I'm woken up with mopey bullshit that lacks context. “And what is that smell?”
“I went back to her room,” he mumbles. “It's probably her.”
No. It isn't her. “I know what she smells like and this isn't it. Look at me, Cross. Stop hiding.”
He slowly raises his head and the sorrow etched into his expression cools my irritation. It's more than sorrow, and more than him. Cross is there, but I can see his wolf's dark eyes peering at me from inside. It's both of them and they are both hollow.
Mourning. This is the scent of deep, suffering loss.
I sit down at his feet and rub the top of one of them. “Just tell me what happened. You said you went to get a drink but you ended up back at the suite?”
He nods. “She had shifted. I've never seen her wolf, but it was her. And she just looked at me. She was empty. She shouldn't be empty. She should be Luna. I ruined her.”
“What did she do when she saw you?”
He hangs his head back between his knees. “Nothing. No reaction. Just looked at me with those horrible empty eyes. It hurt. I could feel it. I was scared and came back to you. I'm a coward. She deserves better. So do you. Oh Goddess. The pack. The pack deserves so much more than me. I have to –“
“You have to get your shit together,” I bark. “It's my fault. I did what I thought I had to do to fix it, but we're still where we were.”
His weight shifts when I push up from the bed to get to my feet, and he has to throw his hand down onto the mattress to catch himself. My bag is on the chair next to the dresser and I pick it up. The drawer complains against the runners when I jerk it open and I don't fold anything when I start shoving things into the bag. “I am so tired of being the only person in this situation with any common fucking sense.” I go to the next drawer and jerk it open just as dramatically. “Coward. Yeah. You are a coward, but that's a choice. It's my fault, I know that. I should have moved out of the fucking way when we were younger.”
He starts to interrupt me but I wheel around, snarling at him. “You don't get to argue with me about it. It was initially my fault. I own that. But this,” I gesture at the invisible mess piled up around us, “is all you. I did what I could to help. This is something you are choosing at this point and I'm done with it.”
I pick up the book I was reading from the night stand and shove it into my bag on top of the clothes. “You are an idiot,” I bite out, but then I turn to face him again. “And you're just sitting there, letting this happen.” I let out a harsh laugh. “And that stubborn jackass sitting all high and mighty in that fancy,neutralsuite? She's an idiot, too, and I'm sick of all of it.”
“Parker,” Cross says, but I cut him off.
“Shut up. I am sick to death of all of this bullshit. I am tired. I am lonely. I want to go the fuck home. I want to eat my mom's spaghetti and I want to hunt in our territory and I am tired of allthis pitiful, miserable, back and forth that you and that asshole over there keep perpetuating. Come on.”
“What are you doing? Where? We can't leave yet.”
I laugh at him and stalk across the room to rip the door open. “Oh don't you worry, we're not going anywhere. You're supposed to be here to fix your shit but the shit isn't getting fixed so we're going over there to that fucking suite and do what we came here to do. You are going to fix this shit with Genie. If I have to hold your hand while you do it, I will, but you're going to fix it. Sleep with her, fuck her, whatever, but you're going to end our collective suffering here tonight. I'm not going anywhere and neither is she. You're mother fucking Goddess-blessed, act like it.”
“We can't just –“
I drop my bag beside the doorway and stomp back over to stand in front of Cross, my bare heels stinging with the violent impact. “Get up.”
He doesn't. He just looks at me shaking his head.
“Get. Up.” I repeat. “You have too many people depending on you.”
He sighs and rises to his feet but that's it.
This isn't him. This isn't my Cross. This isn't the future of our pack. This is a husk.
I narrow my eyes and snap my fingers in front of his face. Irritation flashes for just a moment, but that's all I need. I don't need Cross right now. I need the wolf hiding inside him. “Hey,” I bark, snapping again. “Hey. You. You in there?”
A dark shadow flickers across the dull brown of Cross's eyes and I can almost feel him baring his teeth.
“Yeah. There you are. You let him leave your mate all alone in a strange place. There are unmated wolves from across the entire region here. She's alone.”
