“Can't what?”
“Ignore her.”
He laughs. “Well you better figure out how, because that scene you caused just now can't be repeated. People are here to heal, not watch an alpha make a fool of himself.” He's quiet for a while as our breathing swirls the air in the room and I calm myself, then he asks the question again. “What's wrong with you? Why did you go at her?”
The answer is simple when I take my own bullshit out of it. “Because I'm her alpha. Or I'm supposed to be. She dismissed me. It made me angry.”
“What do you want to do?”
I crack open an eye. He's laying on his back staring up at the ceiling. He isn't the same person he was before he left. He's quieter. Still. Very still. “About what?”
“Genie,” he says.
“Genie?”
“That's what people call her. What do you want to do?”
Nothing. I don't want to do anything. I can't force her to want me anymore than I can force myself to not need Parker. My wolf stirs and I reach for him, coaxing him forward with my desperation. Just as he's almost close enough he stops and pulls away, teasing me with his presence. He's close enough that I can feel him. Where I'm desperate, he's desolate. We just met our mate for the first time and she dismissed us because of me. He's disappointed in me and that hurts more than anything else. Then he melts back into the darkness of my subconscious and I feel it like a flood of ice in my veins.
“I don't know what I want, Parker. I want my wolf. I want you. I want my pack to be okay. I want to be everything I'm supposed to be.”
“That's why you're here. To find your way back to that.”
“But she's here.”
“She can't stop you from finding yourself. If she's here, she's struggling, too. Nothing about this needs to be about what happened between you. You're both here, but you're here separately. Don't put more weight on yourself than you're already burdened with. She made what she wants clear enough. Respect that. Work on yourself, Cross. So we can go home.”
I want to go home. I already miss it so much that I'm sick with it. I've never been homesick before. I've never had a reason to leave home long enough to feel it. Parker did, though. “What was it like? When you were gone?”
“Bad,” he answers bluntly. “Empty. Lonely.”
“Why did you stay away?”
“To help you, Cross. I wanted you to claim Genie so the pack could be whole. I want peace for all the packs. I want you to be full. The only way was for me to step aside so you could do what you needed to do. I was going to come back after it was settled.”
Anger flickers inside me again. “How could you possibly think that I could be full without you?”
“She was your mate. She was your Luna. That was what needed to happen.”
“It didn't.”
“I know. And now we're here. So I ask again, what do you want to do?”
I don't know what I want to do. I don't know what the best thing is. Obviously, doing everything in my power to convince Genie to become my Luna is the best thing for my pack, but it may not be the best thing for her. Or Parker. If it was, I'd already be on my belly before her, groveling in the dirt and begging her forgiveness.
My wolf stirs again, faintly, and a weak sense of agreement flits through me. Relief at the shared opinion makes my eyes water.
But my heart can't let Parker go again. He's been too important to me for too long. He's been my partner in every sense of the title. Regardless of what happens with Genie or anything else, Parker will be my Second and our relationship will remain what it has always been. I won't give him up. I'll have to find another way.
My pack needs an alpha who can protect and provide. I can protect them, but right now all I can provide is instability. Time won't still for me to work it out slowly. My father didn't mince words. He is Alpha but his time is coming to an end and my time is rising. I should have been figuring this out all along instead of following my individual, selfish path.
“I don't think this can be about what I want anymore,” I tell him. “I can't give you up, though. You are not a want, Parker. You are a need. I can give up anything else to fix the things I've broken, but I can't give you up. I can't be without you again. I don't know what to do.”
He turns his head and I feel his eyes on me. “Okay. We'll figure it out. That's why we’re here, right?”
Chapter Fourteen
Parker
