“You can feel her like that?” I ask after a while.
“Yeah.”
Huh. “Is she having any... problems? Like we are?”
He sighs. “I don't know. I think so sometimes, but I'm not sure what. I mostly feel her when she goes into heat.”
“You felt her today.”
“I did. She was hurt. And very angry. Embarrassed, I think.”
Understandable. “Why didn't you claim her tonight, Cross?”
“I needed you.”
Chapter Twelve
Genie
I knew better.
I knew something would happen. I knew it. I still agreed to the mating. I agreed to be the Luna of a dysfunctional pack because it's my dysfunctional mate's pack. And now I'm dysfunctional, too. I can't decide if I'm more angry or hurt or ashamed.
Goddess, I'm so stupid. I never should have stepped foot on Cross lands again. I should have told my father no and I shouldhave told Drew Cross to go fuck himself the second I saw him in that clearing.
I hope he's as miserable as he looks.
My wolf stirs.
You don't mean that.
Yes, I do.I mean every word of it. I hope they're both miserable. I hope they're as miserable as I am.
Rejected again. Twice! Has that ever happened before?
“You don't need to go,” my mother says softly, gently plucking the brush from my hand to take over untangling the mass of knots from my unruly hair. “You will be alright without it. You will find another alpha, my love. They are already lining up.”
“Out of pity,” I say bitterly. “Or opportunity.”
I'm no catch now. No prize. I know that. My mother may not be ready to accept it, but I am sure of it. I would rather hide away in my wolf than bother with any of the pack responsibilities being forced on me. If I could run into the forest on four paws without consequences, I'd never come back. It would be worth it. I don't feel the hurt of Drew's rejection when I lose myself in my wolf.
She stirs again and her eyes stare back at me in my reflection in the mirror.Do you think I don't feel the sting?
My cheeks heat with shame. Of course my wolf isn't immune to the pain. Drew is her mate as much as he is mine. I wish I could protect both of us from this cold reality. I can't, though. And I've been very selfish with her. She doesn't deserve to carry the weight of this.
There are consequences to spending an unbalanced amount of time in one form or another. I have been wolf more than I've been human for the past two years. The consequences are becoming more obvious and more difficult to deal with. I have always had a good relationship with my wolf. She and I take care of each other. But since Drew's first rejection I have fallenfurther and further into a dark depression, made worse by what happened at the Summit when Parker simultaneously saved me from those guys and made me realize that I would never be good enough for Drew Cross.
I don't really understand the problem with Drew and Parker. I don't particularly like Parker, but if he's Drew's Second I would have tolerated him. A Luna is the soul of her pack. She has to care for everyone under her care, that doesn't necessarily mean she has to like them. I don't like Parker, but I would have been his Luna.
Everyone talks about them, Drew and Parker. They're friends. They're family. They're lovers. They're ex-lovers. I've heard it all, and I believe all of it. It's obvious that they care about each other. Drew cares more about Parker than he will ever care about anyone else, otherwise he wouldn't have rejected me, his Goddess-blessed mate, twice.
Twice.
Parker can keep Drew, as far as I'm concerned. I just need to do whatever I have to do to ensure that my pack will be okay. I am my father's heir. Not because I'm the oldest, but because I'm the only. If my parents had had a son at some point, I would have gladly handed him the title with a bow on it. But they didn't and now it's all up to me. If my father's line is to remain the Alpha line, then I will need to mate with a suitable alpha and produce the next heir. The agreements and treaties that have kept the territories at peace are only good if that alpha is Drew Cross.
I've done my part. I have gone beyond what any other female would do. I gave him another chance when he didn't really deserve the first one. If he had come to me and told me that Parker was his partner and he only needed me to produce an heir, it would have hurt, but I could have borne it out of necessity. He could have kept his lover and I would have taken one of my own. We would have done what was required of uswhen I went into heat and we wouldn't have needed to spend time together outside of pack business after our heir was born. It would have been fine. It really would have.
But then fate stepped in.
