"Are we..." Theo started, then stopped. His throat worked. "Is this how it's going to be now?"
"Theo..."
"Because if you’ve changed your mind about us, just tell me." His voice stayed steady, but I could hear the hurt underneath. "If this was just physical and I read it wrong, I can handle that. I’m a big boy. But don't just freeze me out and pretend nothing happened."
"It's not like that."
"Then what's it like?" He stepped closer. I could see the doubt in his eyes that I had put there. "Because from where I’m standing, you told me you were falling for me, we had sex, and then you’ve barely looked at me for three days. So help me understand what the hell is going on."
I wanted to tell him everything. I wanted to explain about the contract and Mark’s warnings and my father’s pride and theweight of ten years spent building a reputation I couldn't afford to lose.
I wanted to tell him I was choosing safety over him and hating myself for it.
Instead, I said, "The contract meeting is tomorrow. It's a lot of pressure. I need to focus."
"Focus." Theo’s laugh was bitter. "Right. Because I’m a distraction."
I heard my father’s voice echoing through my skull.
"That's not what I meant—"
"Isn't it?" His eyes searched mine, looking for something I couldn't give him. "Be honest, Luca. Is this going somewhere, or am I just someone you hook up with in private while you pretend I don't exist in public?"
I could feel the walls closing in. The equipment room was suddenly too small.
"I don't know," I said.
It was the truth. It was also the worst thing I could have said.
Something crumbled in Theo’s expression. "Okay. Well. At least that's honest."
He turned to leave.
"Theo, wait—"
"Good luck with your meeting tomorrow." He paused at the door without looking back. "I hope you get everything you want."
The door closed behind him with a soft click.
I stood there alone, surrounded by the tools of the game I’d built my life around, and wondered why winning suddenly felt so much like losing.
That night, I pulled up Theo’s contact in my phone a dozen times.
Every time, I heard Mark’s voice.Handle it before it becomes a problem.
Every time, I heard my father.Never let distractions get in the way.
Every time, I saw Theo’s face three nights ago when he had looked at me like I was something precious. Like I was worth the risk.
I thought about Garrett’s words.Don't screw up the best thing that's happened to you.
But maybe I already had.
At midnight, I finally typed:I’m sorry. I know that isn't enough. But I am.
I stared at the unsent message for five minutes.
Then I deleted it and turned off my phone.
