He blinks as if trying to keep control over whatever emotion wants to rise up and make him feel too much again. I drop my hand from his face and onto his thigh in a way to say I’m still here.
“You’re looking at me like you can feel it,” he says quietly.
“I can.”
He smiles, but it’s weak. “That’s unsettling.”
“It’s called empathy,” I tease.
Tucker watches me for a second longer, then his gaze drifts away toward the window. His thoughts running wild in his head.I can feel it. His shoulders rise and fall with a slow inhale. When he finally looks back at me, his eyes are clearer.
“My entire family died in a house fire. Except…me.”
I suck in a breath, holding it there. My body stiffens, and goose bumps pebble across my skin. Of all things that crossedmy mind through the night, that wasn’t at all what I was expecting to hear.
“Tucker.”
He shakes his head. “I got out, Scottie. I don’t know how. Well, I do,” he says, looking down at his lap and taking my hand between both of his. “I woke up in the middle of the night, choking on thick smoke. I couldn’t breathe. I could barely see in front of me. I screamed for my mom. I screamed for my dad.” I squeeze his hand when I notice the change in his breathing, assuring him I’m not going anywhere. “The last thing I heard was their screams as the house collapsed in front of me. My mom. My dad. My—” He chokes on his words. “My baby brother. He was barely a toddler.”
I blink, tears streaking down my cheeks. He lifts his gaze, reaching up to wipe them away. “The fire. It was my fault. I had been complaining about an outlet that kept sparking in the downstairs hallway. But we didn’t get to it. I was the last to go to bed that night and forgot to turn off the lamp plugged into that outlet. If I…” He pauses, shaking his head. “If I hadn’t left it on, the fire wouldn’t have happened. My family would be here.”
“I…I don’t even know what to say.”
“You don’t have to say anything. I just want you to know. Ineedyou to know the demons I hide from the light. I didn’t want you to see this. But this…” He pauses, swallowing and gripping my chin between his fingers. “Is the reason I don’t let people in. It’s why I walked out that morning. I may not have been completely honest with you when you asked me before.Thatwas the truth. If I stayed, I would have started believing I’m allowed to have something I want just because I want it.”
My stomach churns and I feel nauseous.
All that time I spent pissed that he left without warning—without a goodbye. It was all because Tucker believes he doesn’t deserve the things he wants. I can feel my heart breaking as I sit here, staring at him with tears blurring my vision.
The pain this man has been through.
The demons he’s carried through his life.
The guilt of surviving when everyone he loved is gone.
I reach forward, wrapping my arms around his shoulder. He holds me back, pulling me into his chest. “Thank you for telling me all of this. Thank you for letting me in.” I pull back, meeting his eyes. “But you do deserve good things, Tucker.”
“Good things don’t happen to people who get to walk away.”
“That’s not true.”
“It feels true…” He pauses, shaking his head before looking back out the window. “I can’t lose anyone else.”
I move, cutting his line of sight to the window. “I’m not going anywhere.”
Reaching up with both hands, he brushes the messy strands of hair away from my face. His eyes bore into mine, and he’s silent. My heart pounds against my ribcage, wondering what he’s thinking right now.
He nods once. “Okay.”
I’m not sure if that’s what he truly wanted to say, but I’ll take it. I won’t push him, not when he’s like this. All I can do is be here for him.
I stand from the bed, extending a hand. “Come on. Breakfast.”
He takes my hand, following me into the kitchen. I can see him ready to move around with ease, as if he’s ready to make his morning coffee and breakfast. But I sit him down at the stool on the island. He tilts his head in confusion as I jog to the front door.
Opening it, I find the package of cinnamon buns Lily dropped off early this morning. I smile and make my way back to where he sits.
“What is that?”
