What the fuck?
I raise an eyebrow and give her a pitying look. Is she really this naive? No. She’s calculating, and I’m guessing the rumors have already started. Nobles are the worst gossips, and dear Sarah sees her opportunity slipping away, one that never existed.
All right, this is going to be unpleasant.
“What makes you think I want more than just hooking up? I don’t. So cut the games, Sarah.” I stare at her, unmoved. Hatred briefly flickers in her eyes before she tries the tearful look.
For God’s sake, what did I do to deserve this today?
“You’re such an asshole, Nic. I thought there was something between us.”
“Yeah. Sexual frustration and boredom. Nothing more. I don’t love you, and I don’t feel anything worth mentioning for you. You know that. So, either take it or leave it. Now, get out of my way. I have a race to run.”
Annoyed, I run my hand through my hair and push her aside. You can almost see the gears turning in her head as she tries to figure out her next move, but I don’t care.
I pull on my helmet and climb onto my bike. Feeling a bit generous, I turn back to her once more.
“If you’re back to normal when I return, I’ll fuck you. Otherwise…” I shrug and start up the Yamaha.
To hell with women, and my father.
Marriage.
I’m supposed to marry this arrogant, self-centered bastard.
The very thought of spending my life with him makes my heart race. My stomach churns, and the dull ache in my chest turns into a sharp claw, digging deeper and deeper. Because I was always meant to be with Philipp. Philipp, not Nicolas.
And even though I want to scream and shout that it’s far too soon after his death to be engaged again, that we’re betraying him, I don’t. I stay silent. No one knew that I was supposed to become Philipp’s wife, so in that sense, we’re not betraying him. Phil would probably even approve. Which only makes it harder for me, because it feels like I’m just replacing him. When all I want is to honor his memory.
But I can only do that if I go along with what I’ve been so politely ordered to do. My brother surely had a hand in arranging all of this.
Sold off like a prize mare.
Bitterness seeps through every pore, and I let out a short laugh. My head throbs in time with my tangled thoughts.
Nonsense! You know exactly why it hurts. Stop denying it,my subconscious scolds, and I grimace. Because I know it’s right.
It hurts because Henry slapped me.
I shouldn’t have been so shocked, shouldn’t have felt it so deeply, but I did. And it made the massive hole in my heart even larger. Because once again, I was foolish enough to hope things might change. That HE might change. But he shattered that hope, shattered ME like thin glass.
Is that who I am? So weak, so easy to break?
What am I supposed to do? I have no one to stand up for me. Nowhere to go. Well, Lizzy would move heaven and earth to help me if she knew.
Shame slithers out like a treacherous snake, coiling tightly around me. Just the thought of telling someone that my brother hits me, abuses me, makes my cheeks burn and my stomach churn.
No. No, I can’t.
Even though I’m alone, I silently shake my head.
No. Never. No one will ever know.
A soft knock pulls me from my thoughts, and I look toward the door, tensing. Henry better stays the hell away from me.
“It’s me, Lia. May I come in?” Lizzy. Relieved, I let my tense shoulders fall.
“Come in.”
