“No,” I finally speak, but denial is the only thing I can muster. “No, he’s not dead.” I shake my head, not wanting to hear another word that Dr. Roberts is saying.
“I’m so sorry, Mavix. We did everything that we could,” he repeats, and I collapse.
I feel someone’s arms around me as I fall to the floor. The tears pour from my lids as I feel my heart shattering into a million little pieces. The memories of Aussy and me continue to flip through my mind, although this time they are memories of pain, of loss, of the heartache I felt when he left me thefirst time. But this time is different; this time, he was taken from me, stolen from my heart when I finally got him back.
He’s gone, and he’s never coming back. How do I live in a world where Aussy does not exist?
TWENTY-EIGHT
KASH - PRESENT
I knock softlyon her door, already knowing the outcome of this visit. Two whole months have come and gone. Sixty fucking days have passed since he was taken from us. Since Vix locked herself away from the world, refusing to let anyone close to her. I knock again, but still, only silence greets me.
“Vix…” I call. “Please, just open the door,” I beg. Every time I try to get through to her, I feel my heart crack a little more. A deafening silence where I crave the sound of her familiar voice, her laugh, her sarcasm and dark sense of humour. I grab the doorknob, hoping by chance she would have left it open, but my shoulders drop when I realize I’m out of luck.
“Vix…” I repeat her name. “If you don’t open this door right now, I’ll just come back tomorrow, and the day after that and the next day after that. You need us, and we need you. Please stop shutting us out.” I sigh. I wipe a tear from my cheek that managed to escape. Defeat seeps deep into my body.
“We all lost him, Grem. We all loved him, I know youloved him the most, but he wouldn’t want this for you,” I try again.
“Okay, I’ll go… I miss you, Leah misses you,” I finish, and I turn on my heel, ready to head back to my own room. Head hung low and darkness creeping back into my thoughts, I start to walk away when I hear the bolt click to Vix’s door. I grab the handle and turn the nob slowly, not wanting to startle her into shutting me out again. I open the door, and I’m met with complete blackness, just a silhouette of the raven-haired girl I have fallen for. And I hate myself for it.
“I brought you some food,” I say, sitting on the end of her bed as she buries herself back under the covers. I see it then. The box on the side of her nightstand. The unopened box of paper butterflies with thousands of wishes Austin made, just for her. My heart cracks a little more.
“Grem—Mavix…” I struggle to find my voice, “Please, talk to me.”
“Just leave, Kash, please.” Her voice is barely a whisper.
“You know I’m not going to do that, Vix.” I hear a soft sob underneath the blankets, and my heart all but cracks in two. I want to hold her, to tell her everything is going to be okay. But it’s not. For Vix, especially, it will never be okay again.Fuck this.I climb over her and lie down in the bed facing her. I pull her body into mine and squeeze her tight as her sobs break through the wall she’s been building up so high. Tears burn my eyelids as she cries and cries, grieving for the lost love she’ll never have again.
“Shhhh.” I hold her and rub her arm while holding her so close, it’s the only thing keeping me from crumbling myself in this very moment.
“You meant everything to him, Vix. I know to you, he was the moon, but to him, you were every star in the sky.” I choke back my own sob as we sit there locked onto eachother, feeling everything we’ve refused to feel since the day Austin was taken away. I’ve only let myself break down in the shadows of my own room, but that room… It haunts me. I brush the pad of my thumb over her cheek, wiping away the tears that are quickly replaced with fresh ones. Her eyes, puffy and red-rimmed, her hair a knotted mess of tangles, but still, she’s beautiful, even in her grief.
“You were his angel, Vix…” I tell her, kissing the top of her head. She tenses, and after a moment, she pulls away.
“And now he’s mine,” she whispers, tucking her body back under the blankets, hiding away from the world… away from me.
TWENTY-NINE
VIX - TWO MONTHS AFTER THE ACCIDENT
I takethe last drag of my cigarette, inhaling the toxic chemicals that fill my lungs with smoke. I exhale and crush the bud into the curb outside of Booths. The alcohol coursing through my system has my entire world turning on its axis. Will that stop me from having another drink? Not a fucking chance. I feel a chill course through my body, and I welcome the sensation. It’s been over two months since I’ve felt anything but pain and sadness. One day, I woke up, and everything just became… numb. No more feeling, no more hurting, no more anger. Just nothing. I’ve started smoking, I consume more liquor than I do food, and I alienate myself from everyone around me. I’m still here, though. Unfortunately, I’m here, and Aussy is gone.
“We can’t just leave her alone here,” Leah mumbles near the entrance to Booths. “She’s going to end up shit faced in a back alley somewhere,” she exaggerates.
“I know we can’t leave her alone, that’s why I called you here. This is the third night this week I’ve found her like this. I thought you could help me get her out of here. She won’t listen to a word I say,” Kash replies. I roll my eyes and sigh.
“I canhearyou, guys. Don’t act like I’m not right here. I’m just having fun.Do youremember what that is? F-U-N?” I scowl, still sitting on the curb, flicking the lighter over and over again.
“Well then, if you can hear us, let’s get your ass up off this curb and get you home before someone thinks you’ve had too much fun tonight and gets the wrong idea about you out here alone,” Kash demands.
“I can take care of myself, Kash. You’re the one who said I should get out more. You’re the one who said I couldn’t live my life hiding away in the shadows while the rest of the world goes on. Remember? So leave me alone.” I brush him off, stumbling to my feet, poorly trying to find my bearings.
“Vix, just come back to the rooms with us, please! You can’t keep doing this to yourself!” Leah pleads. The pain on her face from seeing me in this state would have had the girl I was two months ago apologizing for scaring my friends. But that girl died with Austin.
“Don’t you worry your—hiccup—pretty little face,” I tell her as I brush my fingers down her cheek, a smile on my face that doesn’t even come close to meeting my eyes. I turn to go back inside and grab the door handle. “One of these guys will get me home just fine!” I try gesturing towards the crowd of men ogling some women at the bar, but lose my footing in my intoxicated state and see the pavement moving towards my face.
Just before I make impact, Kash catches me from behind my arms, hoisting me back up into a standing position. I giggle, turning around to throw my arms around Kash’s neck.
