“Kwame! Stay with me, baby, stay with me!” she cried, her hands pressin’ against him.
I dropped down on the other side, my hands hoverin’ for a second ’cause I ain’t even know where to touch him without makin’ it worse. That shit twisted deep in me ’cause I ain’t never seen my pops like this.
This man had always been solid in my mind. He was untouchable, and how he was layin’ in front of me, grabbin’ at his stomach while blood kept comin’, his face already changin’ while he tried to stay conscious.
“Pops… I got you,” I said, even though I ain’t even know what the fuck I could do.
He looked at me, tryna focus, and I saw him fightin’ to stay present.
That shit scared me more than anything.
“Ambulance!” somebody shouted, and it felt like forever before the paramedics pushed through and dropped down beside him, tellin’ us to move back while they started workin’ on him.
My mama was cryin’ so hard it ain’t even sound real, and I stood there feelin’ like my hands was tied, like I was watchin’ somethin’ I should’ve been able to stop.
I ain’t have my gun, and I ain’t have control.
I felt helpless in a way I couldn’t shake, like I was watchin’ the one man I always looked up to slip away right in front of me and I couldn’t do shit about it.
They loaded him up fast and got him on the stretcher while his blood was still everywhere, and my mama stayed right there with him, holdin’ on to him, refusin’ to let go.
I stood there a second longer, my chest tight, my mind runnin’ through everything at once, from Toni, to my baby, to this trial, to my father layin’ there fightin’ to stay alive, and all I could think was that shit had just crossed into a place I couldn’t come back from.
And now it wasn’t just about me no more.
Hours later…
After findin’ out that Kwame was shot, I left My’Love with Sha’Nelle and let Pressure come get me so we could go to the hospital. From the second I stepped outside and got in that car, nothin’ else in my life felt like it mattered the way it did before.
All the tension, the distance and all the silent arguments me and Kay’Lo had been livin’ in for months… that shit ain’t even sit on me no more. The only thing on my mind was gettin’ to my husband.
I sat in the passenger seat tryna keep myself together, but my hands wouldn’t stay still, and my chest felt so tight that it made it hard to breathe normal.
Kwame’s shooting was already all over the news, the same way everything always spread fast when it came to this family.Seein’ Kwame’s name scroll across that screen like that ain’t feel real.
That man had a lot of power. He was the one who always carried himself like nothin’ could touch him, and now they was sayin’ he got shot outside a courthouse like he was just anybody.
I couldn’t wrap my mind around that shit.
Pressure ain’t say much the whole drive, and that alone told me everything I needed to know about how serious this shit was. He had both hands on the wheel, his jaw set tight, and a gun sittin’ in his lap, like he wasn’t even thinkin’ twice about it. The silence in the car felt real heavy, but I ain’t try to break it ’cause I knew he was dealin’ with it his own way just like I was.
My thoughts kept runnin’ back to Kay’Lo, over and over again, and every time I pictured how he might’ve felt standin’ there watchin’ his father go down like that, my chest tightened even more.
I knew my husband, and I knew how he carried himself. I knew how he held everything in even when it was tearin’ him up inside, and the thought of him standin’ there in that moment made my stomach turn.
I ain’t even realize tears had started fallin’ until I wiped my face and felt how wet my skin was.
And then my mind went somewhere I ain’t even wanna go. It went back to Echo and that night, and what I did, and the weight of it all settled on me. I couldn’t ignore that shit no matter how hard I tried.
I swallowed hard and shook my head like I could push it away, but it ain’t leave me. It sat right there, heavy, and for the first time since all of this shit happened, I let myself really think about it in a way I hadn’t before. I had taken somebody’s life, and even though I told myself I did what I had to do, I couldn’t help but wonder if this right here was the price of that.
Was this my karma catchin’ up to me?
That thought alone made my heart feel like it was cavin’ in. I pressed my hand against my chest tryna ground myself, ’cause right now I couldn’t afford to fall apart, especially when my husband needed me.
By the time we pulled up to the hospital, there was already reporters outside, cameras pointed toward the entrance, people talkin’ and voices carryin’, but I ain’t pay none of that shit no attention.
I opened the door before the car even fully stopped and rushed inside, my heart beatin’ so fast it felt like it was in my throat.
