He glanced at it, then back at me with a faint smirk. “A’ight… it ain’t that bad,” he said, adjustin’ it a lil’ even though it ain’t do much. “You still look good.”
Once I was in bed, he rubbed lotion over me, takin’ his time like he always did, then he went to take his own quick shower. When he came back out, he cut the lights off and got in bed… with his back turned.
I stared at his back for a minute, feelin’ that same tightness in my chest build up again until I couldn’t hold it no more.
“So, you just don’t wanna be under me at all?” I asked.
He shifted a lil’. “It ain’t like that. I’m just tired.”
I swallowed, starin’ at him in the dark. “That ain’t never stopped you before. It’s been weeks since you kissed me, and the only time you hold me is when you feelin’ for My’Love. That’s literally it, Kay’Lo.”
He ain’t say nothin’ right away, and that silence told me everything.
“You been seein’ somebody else?” I asked, my voice lower.
He sighed. “There you go doin’ it again, Toni. That’s always the first shit you run to when I’m not doin’ somethin’ yo’ way.”
“Doin’ what, ’Lo? Askin’ a simple question?”
“A’ight.”
That was all he said after that…
That one word hurt the fuck out of me, and I turned my head away from him, blinkin’ fast as I tried not to let the tears fall.
I hated this version of him so fuckin’ bad, and I hated how cold he had been with me. ’Cause no matter how much he still showed up in other ways, I could feel the distance where his love used to sit, and that shit hurt more than I wanted to admit.
Minutes passed with me lyin’ in silence, tryna keep it together, but it felt like the longer I stayed like this, the worse this shit got. I pressed my lips together and turned my face more into the pillow, hopin’ I could stop the extra tears, but it was already too late. They just kept pourin’ out.
I tried not to make no sound, breathin’ slow through my mouth so he wouldn’t hear it, but my chest kept movin’ with it. I hated that I couldn’t even control that part. My nose started runnin’ a lil’, and I wiped at it quickly with the back of my hand, blinkin’ hard even though my eyes was already burnin’ and swollen from holdin’ too much in all day.
This shit felt worse than anything, layin’ right here with this man and still feelin’ like I was by myself, ’cause this wasn’t us. Kay’Lo was never like this with me. He was always on me, pullin’ me to him, touchin’ and always makin’ me feel like I was the only thing on his mind, and now it felt like all of that had just been cut off.
I stayed turned away from him, tryna hold it together, but inside, it just felt empty, like somethin’ was missin’ that Icouldn’t reach no matter how close he was. That was the part that hurt the most… knowin’ he was right here, but still feelin’ like I couldn’t get to him.
After a while, I felt the bed shift behind me, and I went still for a second, not sure of what was really happenin’. But then I felt Kay’Lo’s body press in close, his heat settlin’ against my back. After all this time… he was finally right here again, and the second his bare chest pressed against my back, my whole body reacted before I could even think about it.
His skin was still a lil’ damp from the shower, and when he slid closer, I felt his thighs pressin’ against my ass, pinnin’ me right where I was without even tryin’. I naturally let out a light gasp ’cause my body had been waitin’ on this exact moment.
Then his scent hit me all over again. It was clean, rich, and heavy on him like it had soaked into his skin. It wrapped around me so quick it made my eyes close. I ain’t even realize how much I missed that until it was right here again, sittin’ all on me, all in my space, makin’ everything feel… familiar.
His arm slid around my waist, and when his hand spread over my stomach, and he pulled me back to him, I felt all of him pressin’ into me.
Even with his dick soft, I could feel him. It rested heavy against my ass, just sittin’ there. It was enough to make my stomach tighten, and enough to make my body ease into him without me even meanin’ to. A part of me felt shy about how easily my back arched like I was tryna feel more of his dick.
His fingers pressed into my waist a lil’ deeper, holdin’ me in place. I could feel the roughness of his hands against my skin, mixed with the smooth glide from the lotion he had just rubbed on me earlier. It was too much, but in a good way.
I swallowed slow, but my breathin’ had already changed, gettin’ heavier without me sayin’ a word. I knew he felt it.
I just lay here, lettin’ him have me like this, and lettin’ my body melt back into his like I hadn’t been cryin’ five minutes ago… like I ain’t been hurtin’ over him.
Kay’Lo’s hand finally found mine, his fingers slidin’ between mine slowly until they locked together. He pulled my arm across my chest while he held me close, keepin’ me right against him like he wasn’t about to let me go again.
His thumb brushed against my hand while our fingers stayed locked, and that small movement said more than anything he could’ve opened his mouth and told me, ’cause it felt like him. It felt like the man I been missin’.
Right in that moment, with his arms wrapped around me and his face still tucked into my neck, I could feel he still wanted me, even if he hadn’t been sayin’ it.
And that was it for me…
