The dress shop alone had become a whole experience.
I had tried on more dresses this past month than I ever thought I would in my life, and every time I stepped out that dressin’ room, it was like I was seein’ a different version of myself.
Some of the dresses was so detailed and soft, with lace and beadin’ and all that extra shit that caught the light when I moved, and I caught myself just standin’ there starin’ in the mirror a longer than I meant to. Not even ’cause I was thinkin’ about the weddin’, but ’cause I was lookin’ at myself like, damn… this really me.
Then I had Pluto and Sha’Nelle behind me, talkin’ all at once, tellin’ me which one they liked, which one made me look the best, which one felt like “the one,” and I would just be standin’there laughin’, tryna take it all in without gettin’ too caught up in it.
And through all of that, I still had my baby.
My’Love had turned five months, and it was crazy how much she had changed in such a short time. She was more aware now, always lookin’ around like she was tryna figure everything out, her little eyes followin’ movement, her head turnin’ every time she heard a sound. She smiled more too, them big gummy smiles that took over her whole face, and she drooled like she ain’t even care. She was just happy to be here.
She wasn’t walkin’ or talkin’ or nothin’ like that yet, but she had her own lil’ personality, and you could see it more every day. She would grab at whatever she could reach, holdin’ on to fingers, clothes, and anything she could get her hands on, and when she got excited, she started kickin’ her legs like she was tryna go somewhere.
And she was attached to her daddy like I ain’t never seen before.
Soon as Kay’Lo walked in the room, it was like she felt it before she even saw him, and when she did lock eyes on him, she would lean forward so hard I had to grab her quick before she threw herself off the bed or the couch tryna get to him. It would scare me and make me laugh at the same time, ’cause she ain’t have no fear when it came to him.
She reached for him, fussed for him, cried for him, and he ate that shit up every single time.
Kay’Lo ain’t even try to act hard about it either. He would pick her up, kiss all over her face, talk to her like she understood every word, and you could see it all over him that that was his baby girl for real.
Night time was the craziest part, ’cause she would not go to sleep unless she was on his chest. I had tried rockin’ her, feedin’her, doin’ everything I was supposed to do, and she still would fuss until he took her.
Soon as he laid back with her on him, she would calm right down like that was exactly where she belonged.
At first I ain’t even know how to feel about it, ’cause I was her mama, and of course we had our own bond, but I had to accept that she was a daddy’s girl, and that wasn’t a bad thing. If anything, it made me love him even more seein’ how he showed up for her without hesitation.
Life had been good for us…
It wasn’t perfect in that fake way, but real good in a way that felt earned.
We hadn’t been fightin’, goin’ to sleep with our backs turned or holdin’ on to no tension that ain’t need to be there. After everything that trial put us through… After all that stress, and all that fear of what could’ve happened, it was like we both just decided that we wasn’t wastin’ no more time on anything that wasn’t love.
Now, everything we did felt like it had purpose behind it.
We had been lovin’ on each other more, touchin’ more, checkin’ in with each other without it feelin’ forced, and that weddin’… it just felt like the right next step.
And in two months, we would be takin’ it.
For the first time in a long time, I wasn’t questionin’ nothin’.
I was just lettin’ myself be happy.
Days later…
It was Sunday and we was all chillin’ at Pluto’s and Pressure’s house, and for a minute it really felt like one of them days where everything was lined up right.
It was the type of energy where you ain’t think about nothin’ heavy, you just enjoyed yo’ people, good food, and the fact that everybody made it through what they had just been through.
Kay’Lo was in the other room with Pressure, Renza, and Kelli, posted up like they always did with the cards out, drinks somewhere close, laughin’ and talkin’ like life ain’t never tried to take nothin’ from them.
My’Love was laid out in the livin’ room in one of Kaylon’s old crib, knocked out. Every now and then I would peek in on her just to make sure she was straight before I came back out to everybody.
Me, Pluto, Sha’Nelle, and Reni was in the kitchen, standin’ around the island while the chef had everything set up like we was caterin’ an event instead of just eatin’ at home. And when I say they had food, I mean it was real Trill-Land food that makes you stop talkin’ for a second just to look at it.
There was jerk lamb chops glazed down in that sticky sauce that had just enough heat to sit on your tongue, butter garlic lobster tails sittin’ open and drenched, grilled snapper seasoned so good you could smell it before you even got close, and big trays of seafood rice packed with shrimp, crab, and sausage. They had baked mac and cheese thick with cheese that stretched when you scooped it, honey glazed plantains, curry chicken, pepper steak, roasted vegetables, and trays of wings tossed in different sauces. Even the salads looked like somebody cared. They was stacked up with grilled chicken, eggs, and all kinds of toppings.
I was leaned against the counter talkin’ about my weddin’, ’cause that had been takin’ up my whole life lately whether I wanted it to or not.
