But now the third one sat there buzzing against the table, and I could feel somethin’ in my chest starting to shake in a way I didn’t like.
I exhaled slow and leaned back in the chair, running my thumb along the edge of my phone while it kept ringing, and for a second I told myself to let it go like I had been doing, but my hand moved before I could talk myself out of it.
“Yeah,” I answered.
It was quiet for a second, and I could hear her breath on the other end before she said my name like she wasn’t sure if I was really there.
“Kelli?”
I closed my eyes for half a second, then opened ‘em back up.
“Why you keep calling me?” I asked, keeping my voice even.
She let out a shaky breath like she had been holding that shit in. “Because I want to fix this. I just… I don’t understand why you won’t talk to me.”
I let out a low laugh that ain’t have no humor in it.
“You don’t understand?” I asked, sitting forward a lil’. “You serious right now?”
“Kelli, please,” she said quick, her voice breaking. “We don’t even have to be together. I just don’t want it to be like this between us.”
That right there made me shake my head slow while I looked down at the ground.
“You don’t want it to be like this,” I repeated. “So what you thought it was gon’ be when I walked in and saw you with my goddamn brother?”
She started crying then, soft at first but it picked up quick.
“That’s not what it looks like?—”
“Don’t,” I cut in, my voice low but sharp enough to stop her. “Don’t do that.”
She went quiet for a second, then tried again, softer this time.
“You were in jail, Kelli. I was by myself. I didn’t want to raise a baby alone.”
I laughed again, but this time it came out colder.
“You wouldn’t have had to,” I said. “You made that decision because you wanted to. Don’t put that shit on me.”
“That’s not fair,” she cried. “You don’t know what I was goin’ through?—”
“I know what I saw,” I said, cutting her off again. “And I know what you did.”
She started talking over me, trying to explain and justify herself. It all blended together into noise I ain’t feel like sitting through while footsteps came up behind me and pulled my attention off the call.
I turned my head just enough to see Sha’Nelle walking toward me with a bowl in one hand and a cup in the other. She had on something light that clung to her body just enough to remind a man what was there without her trying too hard, and the way she moved through the space felt natural, like she belonged in it.
I exhaled slowly and looked back down at my phone.
“I can’t do this right now,” I said.
“Kelli, please don’t hang up,” Harlow rushed. “We can at least talk about?—”
“Figure that shit out on your own,” I said, and ended the call before she could finish.
I dropped my phone on the table and looked down at my cigarette, realizing I let that bitch burn all the way down without hitting it.
I shook my head and reached for the pack, sliding another one out and putting it between my lips while I grabbed the lighter.
