That brings a small smile to his face. “She is. I know Dad’s trying to make everything more difficult for her, but she’s so much happier now.”
“Good. And don’t second-guess your choice to move back with your mom. She needed you.”
“I know.” He rubs his free hand down his face. “This is probably irrational, but now I want the percussion to perform even better just to rub it in Dad’s face. I want him to know that I don’t need him there cheering me on in order to do well. That I don’t need him at all.”
Hesitantly, I reach across the table and squeeze his hand. He gives me a grateful smile and entwines his fingers withmine.
“Thanks for being here. Sorry I’m not very good company today.”
“That’s okay,” I reply. “I’m happy to be here when you need someone to talk to. We haven’t had much of a chance to do that lately.”
“I know,” he says. “Band practices have been so intense this week.”
“Actually, I wanted to talk to you about that. All week I’ve been thinking about how we’re keeping this secret from everyone.”
He sits up straighter. “You have? I’ve been thinking about it too.”
I sigh in relief. Thank god we’re on the same page. I’m sure it’s been just as hard on him as it’s been on me. And once we tell everyone, we can actually spend our spare time together during practice. We could even ride the same band bus to the competition next Saturday.
He squeezes my hand again across the table and scoots his chair so he’s a little closer to me. “I’m so glad you suggested we keep things quiet.”
My body goes cold.
“I wasn’t sure at first, but now I see that you were thinking much more clearly than me. Can you imagine how much our sections would freak out? The last thing we want to do is distract them right now.”
He looks at me expectantly. I’m so surprised that I can’t think of how to respond.
“Percussion…it’s not going well, Hazel.” He sits back, pulling his hand from mine. “We’re splintered. I’m tryingmy best to bring the section together, but if Brody, Kyle, and some of the others found out about us, they’d use it as another thing to give me grief over. I’m just really glad we agreed to focus on what’s most important for now.”
What’s most important.
It’s as if his words are tiny daggers embedding deep into my flesh. Yes, I know how competitive Max is, how competitive we both are. And, yes, I was the one who decided I didn’t want to tell anyone else about us…but not because color guard was more important to me than he was. It was because I didn’t want to ruin what was happening between us by having everyone else’s opinions in the mix.
“Honestly, I don’t think I’m up for painting today. Would it be okay if we postponed and did something else?” He stands and stretches. “Mom’s shift isn’t done for another four hours, so we have time to watch a movie if you want. If we watch LOTR, I promise I won’t inundate you with more factoids.”
His gaze is so soft that my worries seem baseless in the face of it. I just wish I could feel totally secure in this new relationship. Can I even call it a relationship when no one else knows we’re together and we barely see each other? It doesn’t feel like it. But we get so little time together, and I don’t want to ruin this afternoon.
“Don’t make promises you can’t keep,” I tell him, working hard to keep my voice steady. “You know you won’t be able to stop yourself from talking through the whole movie.”
His gaze falls to my lips, and he grins playfully. “I can think of a few things that could keep me from talking.”
That’s all it takes to make my pulse skitter. No matter myhesitations or worries, there’s no denying how Max makes me feel. I could lose out on our bet, the MVM award, even state, and I’d still be happy as long as Max was with me. But could he say the same? I know he really cares about me. He just cares about band more.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
The whole D&D group comes over early on Sunday, and I love it. It’s required at this point; there’s no way we can play, eat, get enough time with Zoinks,andstill catch up on the other things happening in each other’s lives. Although there are some topics I’d rather avoid.
“Ugh, I don’t want to talk about it,” I complain and bury my face in Zoinks’s thick fur.
Felix raises his hands in surrender. “Calm down, I was only curious about how you voted for the awards.”
Voting for the MVM awards started Friday. Once student voting ends, Sire and the other directors will cast their votes and calculate the scores. I feel a little sick imagining it. Each year it’s nerve-racking, but this year it feels impossible. And god forbid Mom overhears us and wants to join in on the conversation.
“Well, I know we’re not supposed to say it aloud—” Nova starts but is cut off by our laughing. The whole band talksincessantly about who they voted for. “But I’m happy to say I voted for you for freshman member, Li. I think you really deserve it.”
Li’s eyes pop open wide behind her glasses. “You did not.”
“Of course I did,” Nova insists.
