When Matt laughed, I brazenly leaned in and wrapped my hand around him again. “Just do me, okay?”
He was smiling but there was something else in his expression that looked like reverence. “You’re so unexpected, Grace.” He moved his body so that he was hovering over me with his weight on his elbows. He kissed me tenderly, sucking my bottom lip into his mouth. Everything slowed down in a good way, and then he moved his hand to the space between my legs and touched me again, more gently than before.
“Ahhhh,” I whimpered.
He made a satisfied sound, then gripped the back of my thigh, hitching it up. My body was open to him. I waited. The anticipation increased everything, the heat, the intensity, the throbbing inside of me. I knew it was right.
“I love you,” he said near my ear, and then he was inside of me. There was a moment of pressure, but it wasn’t as painful as I had expected. His pace was slow until it felt completely normal, like something I had always been missing. We moved faster together, our quiet moans unstudied and real. It was such a strange idea knowing he and I were moving for our own pleasure while giving it back to each other, equally. Like nothing else in life, sex is perfectly selfless and selfish all at once. Hot and cold, yin and yang, black and white, and all of the shades in between. Finally, the whole world made sense. I was in on the secret now.
The echoes of his voice kept playing over and over in my mind as we moved together.I love you. I love you. I love you.
I love you too. Always. Forever.
13.Did Things Change?
GRACE
Matt and I slept a total of twenty minutes before his alarm buzzed. After turning it off, he rolled over on top of me, our naked bodies pressed together. My hands went into his hair as he sank down and took my nipple into his mouth, grazing lightly with his teeth and tongue. The room was still completely dark but totally charged with electricity. “Are you sore?” he whispered.
“No.” I wanted Matt everywhere... again. I fully expected some residual pain or blood or a nightmarish reminder that a few short hours before, I had been a virgin. But there was nothing, just two insatiable, hungry young people aching for each other.
He moved back up to my neck and kissed and sucked from the hollow up to my ear. I was panting, and the two days of growth on his face tickled my neck in the most exquisite way. I could feel him hard and hot against my thigh as he pressed his body into mine. “Ahhh, Matt.”
“I love that sound.”
His voice near my ear shot jolts down my legs. My whole body quivered. There was no stopping us at that point. The intensity left me totally breathless. Our bodies were a blur, gripping, tugging, kissing, sucking, moving up and down, rolling over and back, every motion somehow perfectly fluid on Matt’s tiny twin bed. He pulled me on top to straddle him. “Like this,” he said, and then he lifted my hips and guided himself inside of me. I arched my back, pressing my hands against his taut stomach.
I could hear my tiny mewling sounds mixed with the deep, quiet, satisfied sounds rumbling from his chest.
“Do you feel it? Do you feel it, Matt?” I started moving faster.
“Yes, baby,” he said, his voice strained. His eyes were drowsy with desire and his lips slightly parted.
I moved harder against him and then leaned back, putting my hands behind me on the tops of his thighs, making the friction even more intense. He pressed his thumb to the bundle of nerves right above where we were connected. His small, subtle movements shut the rest of the world out to me. The walls could have been crumbling, my cello could have been on fire in the corner, and I would have stayed right where I was until the very end, moving above Matt, our bodies connected.
When the quickening began, he gripped my waist and tensed. I felt my mouth fall open but no sound was coming out. I couldn’t breathe at that moment for fear that it would all go away. I closed my eyes and let go. It was strange; it wasn’t that I forgot that Matt was there—how could I?—but I had very little self-awareness and self-consciousness. It waslike I forgot thatIwas there when the buildup began and the tingling waves of hot and cold shot through my body. Down below, the pulsing began, harder than it ever had before. Matt made a strangled sound from his chest.
The word “Yes” inched from my throat, almost painfully. It wasn’t triumphant, like you see in the movies. It was quiet. Euphoric.
One last thought ran through my head before I collapsed on top of Matt.I’ve got to get my hands on that book his mom gave to him.
Moments later, he stirred under me as I lay splayed over his body. He kissed the top of my head and took a deep breath.
“We have to go, huh?” I grumbled into the smattering of hair on his chest.
“Yeah, we better get going, although staying in bed with you all day and spending Christmas in New York doesn’t sound bad at all.”
“Won’t you miss Christmas with your family?”
His expression was inscrutable. “No.”
“No?”
“Seeing my mom, maybe. But I’m definitely not going to miss stuffy dinners with my obnoxious brother.”
“What happened that made you two so different?”
He rolled me over onto my back and pushed himself off the bed. “I just got lucky, I guess,” he said with an arrogant smile. “I’ve gotta take a shower.”
