“Stop, Grace. We don’t need to talk about it. Just drink your wine and we’ll hang out. Just relax and be us.”
“Good idea.” I went to his CDs and found Radiohead and put onThe Bendsalbum.
“Nice choice, lady,” he said from the other side of the room as he threw a few things in his bag.
He was shirtless, and his unbelted black jeans were hanging below the line of his boxers.
I lay across his bed, set my wine on the floor, and picked up his camera. “Say cheese.”
He turned around and smiled as I stared at him through the viewfinder. “You’re much better on the other side of that thing. Here.” He reached for it and I happily handed it over.
I rolled onto my back and put my knees up, letting my dress fall to the tops of my thighs. He started snapping away. “You’re so beautiful, Grace.”
“But do you think I’m sexy?”
“Yes. Very.”
I sat up at the edge of the bed as he set the camera on the nightstand. I took the last sip of my wine just as the song “Fake Plastic Trees” came on. “I love this one.”
He reached down for the hem of my dress as I went for the button of his jeans.
“Stand up, baby.”
“I don’t know what to do, Matt.”
“You will.”
He lifted the dress over my head and then braced the back of my neck and kissed me like it was his only purposein life. The temperature around our bodies tripled. His other hand ran down my back, to my bottom, and then slipped under the lace. I could feel him hard against me.
Breaking the kiss, I stepped back. His chest was pumping in and out. I watched as he took me in, standing there, waiting for him, wanting him.
He nodded with wide eyes. “I like this.”
Something came over me, and I felt encouraged and confident, for once. I closed the distance between us, pulled his jeans and boxers down, and dropped to my knees.
“Wow.”Wait, did I just say“Wow”?I felt so silly. I was incapable of being the hot girl; I couldn’t just act like I knew what I was doing, especially now that I was staring that thing down. All the unabashed confidence disappeared in an instant. I heard Matt chuckle.
“Stand up, Grace.”
“Why?” I whined as he lifted me from under my arms. I looked up at his face and he was smiling, teeth and all.
“You are the cutest fucking thing in the world, do you know that?”
I crossed my arms over my chest and made a pouty face. “I was going for sexy, dammit.”
“You’re that, too. Let’s just lie down and take it slow.”
People never tell you that these moments can feel really awkward. When you’re trying to do what you see on TV or read about in books, everything feels strange. I reached for the bottle of wine and took a swig. Matt was completely naked as he fell back onto the bed. His quiet self-assurance was a blessing in disguise; he wasn’t “that guy,” trying to be hot and smooth. He didn’thaveto try to be hot or smooth—he just was. I took off my bra and underwear with littleceremony and lay down next to him as he stared up at the ceiling.
Rolling over onto his side and propping himself on his elbow, he leaned in and said, “Close your eyes.”
He kissed me, the heat spreading and the urgency building. When he used his teeth to tug on my bottom lip, I thought I was going to lose it. His hand moved between my legs and then he touched me down there. My breath didn’t hitch, I didn’t gasp, and I didn’t stop him. I wanted more, more pressure, more contact. I placed my hand over his and pressed. Just like he said, I knew what to do. The awkwardness was gone.
His lips traveled all over my body, stopping at my breasts, his tongue toying with one nipple as his hand went to work on me. I could hear myself making noises, quiet little “ahhh” sounds. Not the way women do in the movies, just in the involuntary way that comes with pleasure. He gripped my hip hard and kissed me even deeper on the mouth. He went to my neck and ear and sucked and kissed until I was writhing underneath him. Pure. Bliss.
“Just feel me,” he whispered. How could I not? I felt so ready for him. I wrapped my hand around his length and pulled him toward me with my other hand. “Not yet,” he said.
He sat back on his heels and ripped a condom wrapper open. “I’m on the pill!” I shouted awkwardly. He jerked his head back in surprise. I stared at him, unblinking. There was just enough dim light in the room for us to see each other’s faces. You have to admit that comic relief isn’t always a bad thing right before you’re about lose your virginity.
