“Why would I, except maybe to tell you about the giant sweat marks under your armpits.”
Dammit, why did I wear silk?It’s so not my style at all, but I wanted to seem professional. Now I just look like a middle-aged wreck.
“I can’t believe you haven’t been blacklisted from this business.”
“You mean like you are?” She raises one eyebrow and smirks.
I’m seeing red.
My rage overtakes me. I pull the emergency stop button, bringing the elevator to a standstill somewhere between the second and third floors. At this moment I don’t care if I’m late, I know I’m getting the job. I know they wouldn’t ask me to come in and do a presentation at this stage in my career unless they planned on green-lighting the show. I know this meeting is for protocol. It’s literally just to meet the people who will be working for me, producing the showIhave written. Those people on the fourth floor will happily wait ten more minutes so that I can murder Beth Zinn in the elevator.
I didn’t get a single minute of sleep last night, and the boys were running late this morning, Alex had put their clothes in all the wrong places. Ethan forgot his math book, which we had to backtrack to get, and Noah wouldn’t stop blabbering about Elon Musk. I haven’t eaten a crumb in twenty-four hours, my armpits are individual humid swamplands with their own ecosystems…and I’ve got a wonky contact in my left eye. Still, none of that can stop me. I’m operating on caffeine, bitterness, and retribution.
I take one giant breath, close my eyes, open them again, and glare across to the other side of the small elevator. Beth looks terrified…as she should. For the first time, I notice her age. It has not been a graceful process. I think she might be too skinny for a 45-year-old. She has mousy hair that used to be strawberry blond but is now dirtier than the dishwater in a third world country. Her skin is not only wrinkly, it’s ruddy. She has the kind of nose where you can see halfway up her nostrils. I used to think it was regal looking, but right now I can see a gray nose hair and it’s giving me an unreasonable amount of satisfaction, followed by shame for thinking about how terrible she looks.
I’m not letting her off the hook, even though it does seem like life has swallowed her up, partially digested her, and then puked her back out into a garbage bin. I cannot believe the nerve she has. But ultimately, I know that getting mad and screaming at her, or stabbing her to death, will get me nowhere.
I calmly and quietly say, “Why’d youdo it,Beth?”
Her breath hitches. “I—”
“Why? You know how this business is. For the first ten years of my career, I lost jobs—gave up jobs because I wouldn’t kiss ass or sleep around. I didn’t even fake a smile or stroke an ego, let alone…God knows what. I clawed my way here with worn-out nails. I wrote, I typed, I bled into everything I created, Beth. I hired women…hell, I hired you. I kept you around, on the payroll, even though I wouldn’t trust you to write my goddamn grocery list.” I pause, shake my head. “I don’t get it. Why?”
She’s just staring at me, periodically glancing at the buttons as if she is trying to will the elevator back into motion.
“I don’t know what I expected from you,” I say. “Like, is therea thought in there and you just can’t unscramble the words? Why would someone like you aspire to be a writer? There are so many other jobs. In this business alone, there are hundreds! Why a writer? It’s such a lonely and tall order. Mostwritersdon’t even want to be writers.”
She’s exasperated. “I…I…Everyone loved you, Dani. Even though you were a hard-ass about the episodes. The other writers still loved you despite the fact that you were a bitch to everyone.”
“They didn’t love me, they respected me. I wasn’t a bitch at all. Somehow everyone else knew Lars and I were trying to create something we could all be proud of. You included. Apparently, you didn’t get that memo. But I guess you figured out how to get what you want anyway, right?”
I push the Stop button back in, starting the elevator up to the third floor. A moment later the doors are opening to production offices. I see a sign that says,GRACELESS.How appropriate!How totally inspiring in this moment. She must be writing for that show now. I’ve never seen it, but I hear it’s terrible. She’s holding the door open with one foot in and one foot out. It looks like she’s searching for something to say. I can’t believe she’s not sprinting away from me.
“Surprise me,” I say. After all, having Beth Zinn on a woman-hating rampage around town is not going to help anyone.
“Huh?” she says. She’s truly dumbstruck
“Surprise me, Beth. Go pitch a good episode.” With my foot, I nudgeherfoot out the door. “I gotta go, okay?” I say with a genuine and humble smile. “Good luck.”
The doors close. The last image of Beth’s face will forever be ingrained in my memory. She wasn’t just shocked. Her brow was furrowed, her mouth was open slightly and frozen into shape. It was a slightly rueful expression. She was ashamed.
The moment I exit the elevator on the fourth floor, I’m greeted by Eli Ross. Eli and I had worked together years ago on a pilot that never made it.
“Danielle,” he says as he’s walking toward me. I knew Eli was the person Connie had spoken to, the one who said execs at Apple were high on my pilot and wanting to meet and get things fast-tracked.
“Hi, Eli.” I greet him with a touchless side-cheek kiss. Eli is a very short man whose personality makes him seem much taller. He talks extremely fast but he’s not afast talkerper se. He’s well respected and viewed as someone in the business who puts integrity first. I’m surprised he’s interested in heading up the production of my pilot, considering my tabloid run. “Sorry I’m a little late. I just ran into Beth Zinn in the elevator.”
“You’re kidding? What are the odds?” Obviously, he knows the story. Everyone does. “Don’t let that get to you. What a crock of shit that whole thing was, right?” I nod. “No one even thinks about that anymore, it’s ancient news.” He pats my back.
I’m walking beside him down a long hall with small makeshift cubicles on each side.
“For the record—”
He stops abruptly and turns to me. “It doesn’t matter. I know you, and I know Lars very well…” There is something implied in his statement that I can’t quite put my finger on. I nod and he continues, “I never thought the rumors were true, but even if they were…even if you and Lars had a mutual relationship that was more than work, it shouldn’t have mattered. It’s nobody else’s business.Litigatorswas a great show. It ran its course though. The reason it didn’t get re-upped is because there was already something else in the hopper for that network…and it was time.”
I take a deep breath. “You think so?”
“I know so. Listen, these people you’re about to meet are putty in your hands. Theylovethe pilot, Dani. They’re going to greenlight it. They just want to meet you. How long have you been working on this anyway?”
