“Be honest with her. That’s what you should do. She’s a single mom. The kid doesn’t even have a dad.”
As the bartender walks by, Alex says, “Can I get a whiskey?”
“That bad, huh?” the bartender jokes.
I laugh out loud, still slightly flirtatious.
“Subtle,” Alex says.
I shrug. “When in Rome.”
“I need to talk to Kate. It’s not that she’s acting jealous, but she’s texting nonstop like she thinks I should be giving her a play-by-play just because you and I are together.”
“Sounds like jealousy to me. What are you gonna say? She needs to get used to it…I’m not going anywhere.”
“I don’t know what to say. I have to think this over. She has a lot to offer someone. She’s beautiful and very sweet…andhonestly,zerodrama.” He opens his eyes wide to emphasize that part. It’s clearly a dig at me.
“So, she’s boring?” I say, knowing that sort of remark gets to Alex.
“What I’m saying is that she has a lot to offer someone!” he says loudly, drawing a few sets of eyes our way.
“Okay. Jesus.”
“Just not me,” he says in a low voice.
“Yikes. Looks like you got yourself into a little pickle.”
“Dani, please. I’m going to have to talk to Kate and let her down and it’s going to be hard. I don’t want to mess with her head, or that kid’s head.”
It hits me that I’m having a conversation with Alex about breaking up with his girlfriend. I finish my wine in one large gulp and stand. “I’m sorry, Alex. I can’t be this person for you. Thanks for the wine.” I leave the bar, find the boys, and commit myself to protecting my dignity for the rest of the trip.
29
do you still think about us?
Alexander
As weddings go, Amanda and Josh’s was a standard small, intimate affair. There are about thirty people in attendance now at the reception. I’m sitting alone at a table in the back running over the events of the last twenty-four hours while I watch Kate dance with Tristan in a semicircle that includes my sister, her best friend, and my mother. Kate is moving in quickly and I feel like I’m suffocating.
Yesterday she flew in at 4p.m. She and Tristan came with me to the rehearsal dinner because I was running late and didn’t have time to take them to the hotel first. It’s another thing I should have thought through. I’m guilty of letting Kate believe she’s part of this family. Naturally, my entire family, along with many of Amanda and Josh’s friends, know Dani, so she has a great time mingling and catching up. Kate just kind of stood around after we ate last night and waited for people to come up and talk to her, but no one did. Then later, when we were alone, she complained about everyone loving Dani more.
I was up late last night reassuring her that it has nothing to do with her personally, it’s just a history that I cannot delete. And even if I could, I wouldn’t want to. In one of the low points of the conversation, Kate said, “Why is she even here?”
I replied, “Because Dani is like a sister to Amanda. She’s family and nothing is ever going to change that. Even if I got remarried, Dani would still be around.” It was another failed attempt to explain something to Kate, only to basically light myself on fire.
“So, you do eventually want to get remarried?” Kate said.
“I don’t think so,” is how I responded, but I should have just said “no.”
By the time the ceremony rolled around, Kate was over it. She put on a smile and didn’t mention anything else to me. Tristan has been on his best behavior too and the guilt about stringing her along and confusing him is starting to get to me. I asked my sister to make an effort to include Kate, so now Amanda has Kate and Tristan at the center of the dance party. Noah and Ethan are dancing near them in a group with Josh and some of his friends and family. I haven’t seen Dani in a while. Knowing her, she’s probably off somewhere becoming best friends with some member of the hotel staff.
“Wanna go smoke a ciggie?” I hear Dani’s voice behind me.
I look up and laugh. She’s tipsy. “Didn’t you give that up, like, thirty years ago?”
“Come outside with me. There’s a heater out there.”
I get up and follow her, hoping no one sees us. It would be an odd sight for us to be sneaking off together.
