1
are you listening?
2002
Alexander
“I love you,” I whisper to Dani. We’re lying in bed…her back is to me. I can tell by the rhythm of her breath that she’s sleeping. It’s early twilight. The room is bathed in just enough light for me to see the curve of her bare hip. I run my finger down her side. She shivers so I pull her to my chest. She relaxes into me and makes a small, satisfied “mmm,” sound, but I’m sure she’s asleep.
Chet Baker is crooning quietly from Dani’s record player in the corner, something about “it’s always you.” This was the first time I said “I love you” to her and I was too much of a coward to say it while she was awake. I think I’m just testing the words on my lips. I already know it’s true.
It was a long day, but a beautiful one. After weeks of uncharacteristic rain, we woke up this morning to blaring sunshine. The outdoors were calling. We hiked up to a waterfall at Eaton Canyon near Dani’s apartment. It was maybe an hour or so into the hike when we had to climb down a steep, muddy hill. I gotto the bottom first, then looked back up at her to lend a hand if she needed one. She was up to her calves in mud and struggling a tiny bit to navigate the terrain, but still…she shot me the biggest smile. I thought instantly,Oh my god, I love her.
We came back to her apartment and have been lounging around the last few hours, mostly naked, talking about everything from our childhoods to our futures. There was a hint in her tone that I might be in her vision for the future. Nothing specific, I just wasn’t excluded. We’ve been dating for a while…I know I need to tell her.
She stirs then relaxes again. I begin to doze off.
—
It’s morning now and Dani is up already. She’s dressed and sitting at her desk with a cup of coffee, writing something on the Chet Baker album sleeve.
“Good morning.”
She looks back at me where I’m still lying in her bed. “We slept for like four hundred hours,” she says, smiling.
I chuckle at the exaggeration. “What are you writing?”
“It’s personal.” She winks. “Maybe someday I’ll let you read this.”
I love everything about her: the way she sees the world, the language she uses to describe things and feelings, her kindness, her quirkiness, her energy, her exaggerations…everything! I want to marry her and I need to tell her I love her.
2
i see you
2007
Danielle
We’ve been doing renovations on the house for what feels like forever, but I can’t stop thinking about how beautiful it will be when it’s finished. I’m proud we’re doing it all on our own. After we got married and bought the house, we had less than a hundred dollars in the bank but Alex was determined and so was I.
The day the agent gave us the keys, Alex said to me, “We’ve got this, Dani. We’ll figure it out and do it on our own.” That’s what I love about him. He just gets it done.
Now we’re almost there. We just scraped the popcorn off the ceiling in the kitchen and the wall started crumbling so we had to pay for new drywall on a credit card. No money for a hotel or even a campsite so I’m sleeping on a mattress in the garage. It’s cold and dirty in here. I’ve pulled the string of my hoody so only my eyes and nose are exposed, hoping my breath will warm me up. I’m in a sleeping bag on a dilapidated mattress on the floor of a garage built in 1908 but I just can’t stop imagining the housecompleted and how happy we will be, so I’m still smiling…internally anyway.
Alex is at the side door, about to come and get into “bed.” He’s looking at me and smiling. “You are so cute,” he says. “Such a trooper.”
“Get your ass in here, I’m freezing.”
He looks to his left and casually walks behind where I’m lying, then hurriedly grabs a bucket.
“What are you doing?” I ask.
“Nothing.” He sounds panicked.
“Tell me!” I’m looking back at him now. The bucket is on the floor upside down behind him.
He’s standing with his hands on his hips, looking a bit disheveled. “I’m about to get in there with you, so get ready.”
