“Have I ever made a scene?”
“Yes, pretty much every time I’m with you.”
“Why stop now? Let’s hit it.” I clapped my hands together and stood up. She shook her head.
13.Fourteen Years Ago
GAVIN
We spent almost every day together. Even through the holiday break. When my mom came from LA to visit, I took her to see Penny dance. She said Penny was phenomenal, and I think my mother was even a bit jealous of her, but I didn’t care.
Penny’s partner, Joey, was still being a dick. I didn’t know how she was able to put up with him, but she was patient. She practiced hard every day. And for me, there was nothing I liked more than watching her do what she loved.
I had Christmas Eve at her house, and her mom prodded me for details about our relationship. I’d been at their house a lot in the last couple of months, and Penny at mine, but we were still just being spoons in a drawer. Nothing went further. I felt like I deserved an award for my restraint. Both of us were studying hard for midterms, so I hadn’t pushed her, but our exams were over now. We had time to figureusout before we had to go back to school. I got a tattoo the week before on the inside of my bicep between two larger designs. It was just the lyrics,in my ears and in my eyes.Penny knew.
Every time Anne trapped me in the kitchen, I’d try to change the subject from my relationship with her daughter, or I’d look for Penny’s dad, Liam, to get me out of a pinch. I’d been hanging out with him a lot lately, too. He had a sense of humor when Anne wasn’t around, but when she was there, especially with Kiki, talking about all the things they had to do for such-and-such pageants, Liam would get quiet and Penny would get judgmental, which would usually end in a fight among the whole family.
On Christmas Eve I was helping Penny set the table when Anne said, “So you guys have been inseparable lately.”
“Uh-huh,” I murmured.
“Penny?”
“Yes, Mom. We’re friends. We like to hang out.”
“Are you two being responsible?” she asked. I knew what she was getting at.
“You have no idea,” I said.
Penny shot me a dirty look. “Anne”—I walked over and braced her by the shoulders—“your daughter is a saint. We really are just friends, though I wish it were more.”
“Gavin,” Penny chided.
Her mom giggled. She found me charming despite the stupid T-shirts, tattoos, and wild hair, which I knew she had judged, at first. Every time I came over I was helpful and complimentary toward her. I don’t think I was the vision of her dream son-in-law, but she liked me. I knew that.
Later, in Penny’s room, as Penny was brushing out her hair in front of the vanity, I walked up to her, wrapped my arms around her waist, and kissed her neck. She didn’t move. I made eye contact with her in the mirror. “Why can’t it be more?” I whispered.
She shook her head. I couldn’t read her expression. “This isn’t enough for you, is it?” she asked.
“I want all of you.”
She broke out of my embrace and walked over to her dresser, where there was a small box giftwrapped. Handing it to me she said, “It’s not much, but Merry Christmas.”
I tore it open to find one of those silly half-a-heart BFF trinkets. Smiling bitterly, I said, “Did you want me to wear this around my neck or something?”
“No. It’s just a symbol.” She frowned.
“I guess I’m way out in the friend zone. Like in the farthest section of the friend zone. Like, in the outfield.”
“More like in the stands in the nosebleed section.”
I laughed even though her comment pissed me off. “Really, Penny? We’re so close. We touch each other all the time. How can you say we’re just friends?”
“I know what we are, Gavin, and I want to keep it that way. You can date other girls anytime you want.”
“I want to dateyou. You can’t tell me you wouldn’t be jealous if I was taking other girls out?”
It came on slowly as I watched her in silence. She tried to hold back, but eventually she started to cry. “No.” She sniffled. “I mean yes, I would be sad we wouldn’t be hanging out as much, but I want you to have what you need.” She was torn. I was pushing her too hard. I took her in my arms and hugged her. She tucked her head into my chest the way she always did.
