His dad lived in the house at the end of our block, so when Gavin came to Fort Collins, he usually came to visit both his dad and my family... or his dad and me, rather. He loved Milo and got along fine with my husband, but when he came over, it was to see me. I knew that.
“I’m so sorry,” I told him as I held him. He started to cry. “Talk to me.”
I took his hand and led him to our living room. His eyes were puffy and red. He pointed to our couch and asked, “When did you get that?”
“Recently. Buckley chewed up the other one.”
Buckley, our yellow Lab—thinkMarley and Me—destroyed everything.
“You have a white couch, P.” It was a statement of fact as well as an accusation.
“Do you want coffee?” I asked him, ignoring the comment.
“Espresso, please, though I’m afraid I’ll spill it on your white couch.” He was still emotional, but now he was laughing a little as he sat down.
Inside the kitchen, I watched him as I turned on the espresso machine. He was running his hand over the white fabric.
“Are you making fun of my couch?”
“No. Well, kind of.”
“I thought you were sad and lost. Not too sad and lost to make fun of my furniture, apparently?” I finished the drink and handed him the tiny mug of espresso.
“I am sad.”
I plopped down next to him and crossed my legs. He took a sip and set the mug down on the glass table in front of us before glancing out the big back window. “You have a way better yard than my dad. I should have helped him more over the years, with his yard and everything. I should have been here. I’m mad at myself.”
Gavin’s dad had remarried a woman named Jackie when we were in our mid-twenties. She and Gavin didn’t get along. Gavin thought she was an alien... seriously. He said aside from her eyes being too big and far apart to be human, she also had no family and never shared her background with his dad. He got superstoned one night and called the FBI and reported her to them, saying she was using some woman’s body as a host. The next day, when the THC had worn off, he called everyone who knew the story and apologized. But later, when he was sober, he told me hestillthought she was an alien.
He didn’t talk to his dad for three years. It was only after the divorce that they finally made amends. Gavin regretted shutting out his dad during the Jackie phase. His mom still lived in Los Angeles, but he rarely spoke to her. The tension between them was much harder to get over.
“Where is Buckley anyway?” he asked.
“In the garage. I put him in there when I dance; otherwise he’ll jump all over me.”
“I get it.”
“I know. He’s hyper but he’s still a puppy. He’ll calm down.”
“No, I mean I get why someone would want to jump all over you when you’re dancing.”
I rolled my eyes. I either completely ignored his comments like that or I’d say something to shock him. “You wanna go fuck upstairs? I put these sweats on especially for you.”
He looked at my tattered sweats and stained T-shirt. “You still look hot.”
“Gavin.” I gave him my typical “time to change the subject” look.
“Relax, I’m messing with you. Though you do still have that thing.”
“What thing?”
“Transcendent beauty.” He took a long breath and released it. “He has prostate cancer, stage four. It’s spread all over. He didn’t tell me. He fucking didn’t tell me, Penny. Not until he knew he only had months or weeks to live.”
“Why? Why would he do that?”
“Because he didn’t want to burden me, I guess.”
His face fell. He swallowed. His eyes welled up again and mine did, too. “Oh Gavin, I’m so sorry.”
