“He’s pushing us away,” I say, wiping my wet face with the back of my hand. “Because for one second, things aren’t perfect. And if it’s not perfect, then Julian doesn’t want it.”
“We are perfect,” Archer shouts. He glares down at me with nostrils flared and eyes narrowed. “Why are youbothdoing this? Because of your mom? Because you’re scared? We love each other, Freya. Snap out of it, for fuck’s sake, Julian. Don’t ruin this because you’re scared. Don’t ruin us.”
Defiantly, I march toward the entryway table. Opening the drawer, I pull out the orange pill bottle and slam it on the counter.
“Don’t touch those,” Julian growls.
“No,” I argue. “It doesn’t have to be this way, Julian. You don’t have to live like this. You hold yourself to these impossible standards, and now you’re holding us to them too. So what? You’re going to throw away what could be a lifetime of happiness because I messed up? Because I’m not perfect enough for you. Because you’re afraid this means you’re not safe with me.”
Staring at him across the large room, I wait for him to move. He’s struggling so much to bite back his emotion, it’s clear on his face. His nostrils flare and his eyes grow moist, but he won’t let his facade down. Not for one second will Julian take off his steely armor.
Instead, he quietly mutters, “Your mom is waiting.”
Archer rushes to my side. “Don’t go.”
I squeeze my eyes closed and press my face to his chest. There’s a tremble in his hands as he holds me to him tightly, and I so wish it was as easy as Archer thinks it is.
“Don’t leave,” he whispers. “Please don’t leave.”
“I have to,” I reply, pulling away and wiping tears from my eyes. “I’m so sorry.”
“Then go to her tonight, but this isn’t over, Freya. Not because you haven’t come clean to your family. You can do that later. I know you can.” Archer is holding on desperately to something while Julian and I have both shut down.
“Don’t leave him tonight,” I whisper. “Don’t let him push you out like he’s pushed me out. He needs you.”
“Why amIthe only one willing to work on this? Me. The onewho never wanted to settle down in the first place, and suddenly, I’m the only one holding us together. This is bullshit.”
I can’t face him. I can’t face either of them. Maybe it is just a fight, or maybe it’s proof that something that felt too good to be true was.
I don’t want to believe it’s over, but I don’t have the same optimism Archer does. I’m not sure what any of this means for our future.
Leaving Archer’s arms is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, but I must. As I walk to grab my bag, I pass by Julian, who is standing like a statue in my path. I wish he’d wrap me up in his arms like Archer did, even after I said all those awful things.
But he won’t. I know it. He has to protect himself, so he’s shutting himself off before I have the chance to turn him down. It’s just Julian’s defense mechanism.
“Here,” he says, pulling out my underwear and holding them in his hand.
Wanting to cry again, I reach out and take them.
His voice is so quiet and sad that it cracks me in two. I can’t look back, because I know I won’t be able to leave. So without another word, I rush out the front door.
Wiping the tears from my eyes, I get on the elevator—alone.
Rule #34: Let your sister talk some sense into you.
Julian
Archer is staring at me, and rather than feel a damn thinglike regret or pain, I force myself to feel nothing. It’s easier this way.
His anger is radiating off him, and honestly, I don’t blame him.
Near the door Freya just stormed through, there’s a mirror on the wall, the same mirror I check my reflection in every morning, but right now it’s reflecting an image I hate. A man too cold and afraid to be happy. My own worst enemy.
Archer takes a menacing step toward me. “So?”
I lift my eyes to meet his gaze. “So what?”
“You let her just leave. You didn’t fight for her. She needs reassurance, Julian. She needs us to remind her that we have her and love her no matter what, and you just…let her go.”
