Tears stream down my face, and before the words are even out, Archer is there, gripping my face in his hands. “Stop it. That’s not why, and you know it.”
“I’m sorry,” I sob as I try to pull away. “I just need time.”
“I don’t want you to leave like this.” He’s blocking my path with panic in his eyes. “We’re having our first fight, and you’re just going to go.”
I blink my wet lashes before wiping the tears away. Then with a surrendering sigh, I drop my arms to my sides.
Across the room, Julian scoffs. “This isn’t a fight.”
Archer flinches as if shocked. “You don’t think this is a fight? She’s crying and you’re over there stewing. I’d call this a fight.”
“No, Arch,” he replies with a despondent sigh. “Fights you recover from.”
The emotion drains from Archer’s face, and it guts me to see how affected he is. “What is that supposed to mean? You’re saying it’s over? Just like that? What the fuck?”
With a wince, I shut my eyes, because I know exactly what is happening. Julian is cutting loose. He won’t go down with this ship, so he’s ending it before he becomes the one getting left.
Archer looks up at Julian with rage on his face. “Tell her you love her. Tell her she has time to tell her family. Tell her, goddammit.”
Sobbing, I turn toward Julian. He only stares back, emotion swirling behind those cold, empty eyes. Emotion only I can see because I feel it.
“Well?” I ask.
There’s nothing on his face. No love. No regret. No fear or fight, and it infuriates me with a paralyzing anger. But how could I be angry? I’m doing the same thing to him, aren’t I?
After everything, it’s never been more abundantly clear. We are all the same. The walls. The doubt. The fear. We will be the first to run at the smallest instance of conflict.
We throw love away before being given the chance to lose it.
“You should go,” he says coldly without looking at me.
“Julian!” Archer shouts, but I only let the tears flow.
“You don’t mean that,” I say, quietly pleading with him. “You don’t want it to end like this, Julian.”
Julian’s gaze bores into me as he cruelly replies, “If you loved us, you would have told them.”
Those words hurt more than anything. To hear him doubt my love when I thought I expressed it so clearly. “That’s not true, and you know it.”
“You’re ashamed of us,” he adds, and I hear the quiver of fear in his voice. “You always were.”
“That is your anxiety talking,” I say, hiccupping with a sob. “This isn’t you.”
“This is me,” he says without emotion, and I suddenly see a reflection of the man I first met, the man who so mercilessly tried to crush my dreams out of spite.
Something about his denial stings the worst. This whole time, he was supposed to feel safe with us, and now he’s shoving us away.
“You think you have it under control, but you’re letting it ruin everything. You’re letting it ruinus. You’re afraid, Julian. You think because I didn’t tell my mother about us that it means I don’t love you enough or that you are putting your heart out more than I am or than Archer is, but you know that’s not true. You don’t have to be afraid.”
He scoffs, but I see the tremble in his lip. “Yes, I do! I don’t have a choice, Freya. This iswho I am. I told you I couldn’t do this. I told you I couldn’t stand the thought of being hurt. I’m not going to be the one who gives more, Freya. You clearly don’t care about us as much, and I can’t be the one left behind.”
Archer breathes heavily beside me, and I see the indecision on his face. He doesn’t know what to say. “Julian, stop it.”
“Stop what?” Julian shouts. “Stop denying what we all know is true? That this was just a fling. It was fun, but now the party is over. Why don’t you two just stay together, but I’m not going to be caught up in this if you think we’re nothing but a dirty secret.”
His hands are visibly shaking, and his voice has taken on an erratic tone. I should stay. IknowI should stay, but I can’t if he won’t open up to us. If he won’t let us in…
“What is happening?” Archer asks in a raspy plea, running his fingers through his hair.
