I had never done this before. Had never played with my own nipples during sex or while jerking off. But now I couldn't stop. I rolled the nub between my fingers, pinched it hard enough to make my breath catch, and felt my cock throb in response.
I was a grown man jerking off in the bathroom to thoughts of my stepson, playing with my nipples like some desperate teenager, and I couldn't make myself stop.
I let go of my cock long enough to yank my shirt over my head and toss it aside. My chest was flushed, nipples already hard and sensitive from the rough treatment. I went back to working them both, pinching and twisting while my cock leaked steadily against my stomach.
I thought about Troy's mouth on me. Thought about his teeth scraping over my nipples, his tongue soothing the sting. Thought about him on his knees in front of me, looking up with those sharp green eyes while he sucked my cock.
The thought should have felt alien. Wrong. I had never wanted that with a man before. Had never even considered it.
But I wanted it now. Wanted it so badly I could barely breathe.
I reached into the cabinet under the sink with one hand, fumbling until I found the small lockbox I kept hidden behind the cleaning supplies. My fingers were shaking as I punched in the code and pulled out the toy I had bought months ago on a whim. A stroker. Black silicone, ribbed on the inside, small enough to use one-handed.
I had never used it. Had shoved it in the box and tried to forget about it because admitting I had bought it meant admitting a need I wasn't ready to face.
But I was using it now.
I slicked it up with lube from the same box, then wrapped it around my cock. The first slide was almost too much. The ribbed texture dragged over every nerve ending, tight and slick and nothing like my hand. I groaned and braced myself against the counter with my free hand while I worked the toy over my length.
The pleasure was intense. Overwhelming. Better than anything I'd felt in years.
I twisted my nipple hard with my free hand and fucked into the toy with short, desperate thrusts. The combination was destroying me. Pleasure built hot and sharp at the base of my spine, coiling tighter with every stroke.
I had never been this hard. Had never felt this out of control. Had never wanted anyone the way I wanted Troy.
And that was the most fucked up part of all of it.
I worked the toy faster, twisting my nipple until the pain was almost unbearable, and let myself fall into the fantasy completely.
Troy under me. Troy begging. Troy's body opening up for me, taking my cock, coming apart while I fucked him into the mattress.
The orgasm hit hard and fast. Ripped through me with enough force that I had to bite down on my other hand to keep from making noise. Come spilled into the toy, hot and thick, more intense than anything I had felt in years.
I kept stroking through it, kept twisting my nipple, wringing out every last pulse of pleasure until I was shaking and spent and barely able to stand.
When I finally stopped, the reality of what I'd just done crashed over me.
This was bad. This was so fucking bad.
I couldn't want Troy. Couldn't let myself think about him this way. Couldn't keep doing this every time he walked into a room or fell asleep in his bed or existed in my space.
I cleaned up the toy and put it back in the lockbox. Got my breathing under control. Washed my hands and face and tried to look like I hadn't just jerked off to thoughts of my stepson while he slept down the hall.
When I walked out of the bathroom, I could still hear him snoring.
Still asleep. Still unaware.
Still the most dangerous thing in my life.
NINE
TENDER DAMAGE
TROY
Everything hurt. My ribs screamed when I tried to sit up. My face felt swollen and tight. My kidney throbbed with every breath, sending sharp reminders that last night's beating hadn't been a nightmare.
The house felt quiet in that specific way that meant I was alone.
