I had Aspen to think about. If his father would brush off fate, I sure as fuck wouldn’t.
A tear tracked down my cheek, cool against my skin.
“I’m worried about you,” he said softly. “You ignore your gift and in the next few moons it’ll be gone completely. There’s no going back after that.”
There was nothing cruel or condescending about his words. He and I both knew what was coming if I didn’t use my ability to recharge my magic.
“Maybe I don’t want it back?” I said, keeping my tone hushed to not wake the baby.
Most witches avoided my Desire once they got close enough to experience it. Sure, a witch with my gift was alluring and the idea of experiencing it firsthand intrigued most, but the reality of it—the cost… Once that came into play, people usually felt very different.
Admittedly, there were beautiful things about my magic that I enjoyed, and I missed my business and bringing others more passion, love, and intimacy into their lives. But my Desiretook…
And the fact that I loved how it felt when it did both thrilled and scared me.
Gifts weren’t meant to be borrowed. They needed years to be fully mastered. My gift didn’t discriminate, which had sometimes led to disastrous consequences. I’d been lucky with Atlas, but there were many other witches, other times, that hadn’t worked out so well. Letting it wither away might be the best thing, even if I hated the idea of giving up my magic for good.
“Look, my offer still stands,” he strode forward, and I backed up until I was pressed against the wall. He leaned over me, flattening his palm against the onyx paint. The other remained at his side, as if he knew I would run if he actually touched me. He nodded at the small patch of moonlight in the grass. “Let me help you through this full moon. Even if you want to do thingssolo, I could visualize some encouragement for you. We could recharge together right out back.”
He looked pained, as if he was using every ounce of restraint to not cart me over his shoulder and seduce me with his salacious visions until I gave in and replenished my gifts in the moonlight. And I felt defenseless without my own gift to reflect back, to taunt him and drive him wild. I knew if I had my magic, it would work—Desire only worked on those who felt it already, and it was clear Atlas still felt it for me. “You’d love that, wouldn’t you?”
He lowered his head until his warm breath tickled the crest of my ear, sending a shiver through me. “I think the answer to that is obvious.”
You know you want to drop to your knees and take him in your mouth until he begs for more.
Goddess, the full moon, my gift, and my dirty mind were all driving me nuts tonight.
I swallowed thickly. “The answer is no, Atlas. For a multitude of reasons.”
“I still don’t understand.” He crooked his finger, lifting my chin up to keep my eyes on his. “What did I do wrong?”
My gaze dropped to the point of contact, nervous he’d try to show me another illusion, one where we loved one another until our bodies were mapped in a constellation of wrinkles and scars. Beautiful evidence of a lifetime together.
But we couldn’t have that, and I didn’t have the courage to tell him why because if he fought me on it—if he fought for us—I didn’t think I could walk away again.
I had to think about our son that would one day need his father even more than he did right now.
But the illusions never came. There was just his penetrating darkened gaze.
Absent-mindedly, I stroked his tanned cheek with my fingers, and his brows knit in confusion.
Shit.
I dropped my hand, gripping the thin jersey material of my dress before I did something stupid like kiss him or drag him outside under that perfect patch of buttery moonlight. “Look, I really appreciate that you came here to see Aspen, and I want to make co-parenting work, even with the distance. But I think it would be for the best if you didn’t stay here tonight.”
“Oak—”
“Please, Atlas?” I pleaded, clenching a fistful of fabric to ground myself from melting into his arms. “I can’t have you here right now. It’s too hard.”
As much as I wanted to forget what I’d seen and writhe with him among the pines, I couldn’t. He might think he could do this without any strings attached, but I knew better than that. He still loved me. Still wanted to build a life with me. And any hope I gave him of that being a possibility was selfish. I wouldn’t do that to him. “One day you’ll make some witch very happy. It just won’t be me. Not in the way you want.”
“Fine,” he rubbed his chin, eyes narrowed in frustration. Slipping a black T-shirt over his head, he walked over and grabbed his duffel before gathering up his things. “I’ll be at the Supernatural Suites down the road. If you change your mind, just send me a text. I’ll keep it with me while I go out to charge up. Otherwise, I’ll stop by in the morning to visit Aspen before I return to Salem.”
“Thank you.”
And with that, he headed out the garage. A few more tears streaked my cheeks, and I lifted my dress to wipe them away. Headlights flared through the window as he backed down the driveway and then swerved around the cul-de-sac, driving off in the darkness.
Chapter15
