She was pale and thin. She looked as if she’d aged a decade in the past couple of months. When she saw Alice, she paused, and my heart broke for her. I couldn’t imagine the anguish it would cause her to know that Alice was now part of our family, or that every time she saw the child Alice carried, she’d be reminded of Andrew’s infidelity. It amazed me that Thomas could accept it. I wasn’t naïve enough to believe that everything would be easy, or that it would all work out well. But I could pray for each of them, hoping that God would bring beauty from the ashes.
Ruth seemed to find some sort of strength from within, and she continued toward our parents. Out of all of us, she was the most innocent, yet she had suffered far more than the rest.
She offered a tremulous smile for my parents. “I’m sorry Andrew couldn’t be here.”
“I am, too,” Father said. “But I’m very happy that you’ve come.” His voice was low and gentle. “I’m saddened by what I learnedabout him today. I cannot sit back and watch him destroy your life. I want you to know that if you need anything, our door is always open to you and the children. I do not condone adultery, nor will I counsel you to stay in your marriage. Do not feel you need to continue in this hurtful situation because of Marian or me—or anyone else. You should not have to endure what’s happened to you, Ruth, and had I known, I would have done something sooner to help. Please forgive me.”
Ruth began to cry, and Father stepped forward to embrace her as Mother placed her hand on Ruth’s back.
“If Andrew seeks forgiveness,” Father said, “he will have it, but I will put you and the children’s needs ahead of his.” No one spoke for a moment, and then Father said to Ruth, “I’m so sorry you’ve had to endure today’s humiliation.”
She pulled away and wiped her tears. “Today was difficult,” she admitted, “because now the whole world knows the secrets we’ve been keeping. But it did not come as a shock to me. I’ve had years to deal with Andrew’s infidelity.”
Father nodded. “It pains me to know you’ve been carrying this burden alone. Will you forgive me?”
“You have no reason to ask forgiveness,” she said.
Mother put her arm around Ruth. “Are the children being cared for?”
“Yes, with my parents.”
“We will see that you’re brought to your parents after the meeting,” Mother promised, “or to wherever you’d like to go.”
Ruth smiled, and then said, “Thank you. I don’t know what will happen with my marriage, but it’s good to know that I have your support.”
Mother took her hand and brought her to the bench, on the opposite end as Alice. Perhaps, one day, the two women might find a way forward, but today was not that day.
My father looked at each of us sitting in the front row, and he nodded. It hadn’t been easy to face his children, but he had done the right thing. And he would do the right thing again as he stoodon that stage tonight, knowing that many of the people who came would be judging him—if they came at all.
My fears were soon put to rest as people began to enter the tent. At first, they trickled in, but about thirty minutes before the meeting began, they came in droves. The benches were soon filled, and people were standing on the outer edges of the tent. The noise had increased as people were visiting, waiting for the meeting to start. Father stood behind the stage with several of the men who had helped him plan the event, praying for guidance.
Before long, I was summoned onto the stage to sing the opening hymn.
My legs were shaking, and my stomach was in knots as I climbed the steps. The pianist was seated behind the piano, and she smiled at me. The entire tent quieted. Most of them were aware I had stood with Annie Barker in the most notorious speakeasy in Saint Paul. Did that mean I was defiled? Beyond redemption? Had most of them come to gawk and see how this drama might unfold on the stage? I didn’t care why they came, just that they had.
For the first time in my life, I was prepared for this moment. Had I been concerned about the crowd and what they thought about me like I had been in the past, I would have buckled under the pressure. But now I understood that the only One I needed to think about was my heavenly Father. And His love was enough. More than enough.
When the pianist began to play “Amazing Grace,” I felt the lyrics deep within my soul. I allowed the grace of God to saturate my words. It was a message for me, as well as for everyone else in the room. I knew the history of the song, which was written by John Newton, a slave trader who had lived an abominable life before finding salvation in Christ. He’d denied his faith most of his life, but after several near-death experiences, he began to understand God’s grace and mercy. He studied the Word of God and needed to know if his soul was redeemable.
The answer was a simple yes.
And instead of letting the sins of his past corrupt his future,he had given his life to serving God, and he’d written the most beloved and transformative hymn of all time.
My parents understood that same message and had made it their life’s work to share it with as many people as possible.
A few minutes later, after I’d finished singing and was sitting with my family again, my father took the stage.
The audience was silent as his steps echoed across the wooden platform and he stood before the microphone. I held my breath, praying he would have the words, the courage, the forbearance to stand up under their scrutiny.
“I have often stood on a stage such as this one,” he began, looking a little older and wearier than before, “and I have preached about the grace and forgiveness of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. I did not teach from head knowledge only—or from simply reading the Bible and retelling it in my own words—but from a place of experience. You see, I am a sinner, saved by God’s amazing grace. I once lived a debauched lifestyle. As a baseball player, I traveled from town to town, drinking, gambling, and making choices that hurt the people I loved. I denied the gospel of Christ, the very good news that had the power to save me, and I laughed at those who preached it.
“But one morning there was a newspaper outside my hotel room, and on the front page was a story about me. I had been so drunk the night before, I didn’t even remember. A group of people had found me, naked, in the middle of a park, and I wasn’t alone. The story destroyed my life as I had known it.”
My mouth parted as he spoke. I’d never heard this story, and by the looks on the faces of everyone but my mother, I was certain no one else but her had, either.
“That day was not unlike today,” he continued as he searched the faces of the people in the audience. “I won’t pretend that everyone in the tent didn’t read this morning’s paper. And I won’t pretend that my wife and I weren’t devastated at what we saw. But can I tell you? It was nothing compared to seeing headlines about my own misdeeds on the front page, because at that time, I didn’tunderstand the power of redemption. Of forgiveness. Of second chances. But today I do. I know it can change lives drastically—because it changed mine. And if I live to be one hundred, I will never tire of offering grace and forgiveness to anyone who asks it of me, because how could I deny it to someone when it’s a gift that God gave freely to me?” He paused, and his countenance became heavier still. “I have put all my focus and energy on my ministry, at the expense of my family. I placed burdens upon their shoulders that were too great to bear, and I never asked them what they wanted. I need to apologize to each of them today and ask for their forgiveness.”
His gaze met Mother’s, then Thomas’s, then mine, and finally Ruth’s. “I’m sorry.”
