I freeze but don’t turn around.
“Thank you,” she says. “For everything.”
My hands flex at the words. I draw my shoulders back slightly, lift my head, and look at her.
The tears from her laughter have left new streaks in the dirt on her cheeks, but her shoulders are held high. She’s clutching the books tightly to her chest, pushing the swells of her breasts out of the top of her dress. She’s ruined and regal in the same breath.
Heat lashes through me, urgent and unyielding.
I can picture it, again, the type of ruler she could be. Unafraid to do the necessary for people at any level. Confident and fair. Demanding justice when required, but never cruelly. She could be all that, and more.
The thought comes quickly, entirely unwelcome:She belongs on a throne. She deserves to be worshipped.
And just as swiftly comes the knowledge that I need to keep my distance, even while watching her closely, protecting her. Because I know what happened in that arena today. She saw her own power, was rightfully afraid of it, and was going to set it aside.
UntilIencouraged her to seize the darkness.
The blood is just as much on my hands as hers.
“I was serious about what I said,” I tell her, my voice a growl that I hope masks my aching need. “Next time it’s too much, you find me. We’ll find another outlet for your pain.”
Then I turn back on my heel and walk swiftly down the hall, trying very hard not to imagine just what kind ofoutletswe might find.
5
MERYN
The Sovereign Alpha’s chambers are practical, with minimal ornamentation and wide doors that take up one of the walls and lead directly out to the grounds. The less ornamentation, the less likely a vase or a chandelier will be shattered by a wolf’s tail. And the wide doors give Anassa easy access.
There are a few luxuries, though.
The first is a bedroom off the living area with a massive bed nearly big enough for Anassa to stretch out in. The second, a beautiful hearth with the four pack symbols carved above it, surrounded by well-cushioned armchairs. The third, a gigantic bathing room with a sunken bath that I spent an eternity in before changing into clean clothes. Finally, a huge wooden desk with a pack of running wolves carved along its edge in exquisite detail.
I run my fingertip over the divots in the wood as I sit down to study the books Matron Alienor gave me.
Before I can make too much sense of what I’m looking at, a tapping sound from outside makes me lift my head and rub my eyes. It’s Anassa; I can tell without looking.
Sliding the heavy bolt to the left, I shove the doors open with a grunt. They swing wide out toward the grassy space beyond and reveal my direwolf.
Anassa wastes no time entering. Her tail swishes, brushing up against me as she pads inside with a few clicks of her nails on the stone.
My chest tightens with anxiety even as my shoulders drop in relief at the sight of her. So much has happened in so little time, and we haven’t really had a chance to admit that to each other.
Yet, seeing her, I can breathe deeply. That’s how it’s been ever since the truth came out.
A cool breeze coasts through the open doors, stirring her fur and my hair, both silver-white but reflecting tones of copper from the firelight.
It’s time. We need to get this all out. “I realize that a lot of what happened over the past four months was my fault,” I tell her, taking the first step.
I speak the words out loud, not just over our mental bond. It makes them more permanent; they can’t be brushed away like a thought. I have to taste the weight of every single one on my tongue.
Anassa’s golden eyes widen. Her head lowers so she can look more directly at me.
It’s difficult, sometimes, speaking to her like this. Her expressions are so subtle, lost behind fur and canine features. If she isn’t willing to let me in on her emotions through the bond, the subtle indications in her eyes or her ears could mean anything from surprise to anger.
I swallow down my nerves and keep going. “It took me too long to accept our bond and even longer to figure out how to communicate with you properly. And maybe I still don’t…” I shake my head and pivot. “I’ve made mistakes, not being honest with myself and others. So I’m going to stop that. From now on,completehonesty between you and me, Anassa.”
Her eyes narrow. Fuck. Just keep going.
