So I take a deep breath, resigned. “Put your finger down. You look stupid. But fine. We’ll go together.”
After some hurried conversations about travel logistics, everyone heads out of Lucien’s rooms to start packing for our journey.
I still don’t share with the group that one final detail from my vision: the woman’s body I saw in the tower, her face obscured.
It might not have been one of us. Or perhaps I was wrong and the woman lived.
I try to convince myself, but behind my thoughts lurks a darker truth: One of our party will die in this search.
43
MERYN
Meryn?”
My sister pokes her head into my room hesitantly as I finish shoving clothing into my packs.
My heart catches in my throat at the look on her face: vulnerable.Scared, even.
I understand what Venna was saying, how important it is to see beyond Saela’s changes and accept her as a whole person—one who has a place in this world. How I haven’t been making it easy for Saela to confide in me about what she’s going through.
But that doesn’t make it any less heartbreaking to see the hesitance in her face as she comes in to talk to me.
“Come sit,” I say, hopping up to the foot of my bed and patting the mattress beside me. She does, and I pull her close, ruffling her hair.
“You’re my hero, you know that?” My voice comes out choked with emotion, and I swallow. “You’re brilliant, the way you put things together. We’d be lost without your help.”
Saela is quiet. I pull back to look at her. I would have thought she’d be excited about putting the puzzle pieces together, figuring out what we have to do next to ensure the rest of the Tears stay out of Killian’s hands.
“What is it, Saela?”
“I know you always want what’s best for me, and you always want to protect me,” she says, and I start to brace myself. She speaks fast. “But I’ve been thinking about it, and I know you might not like this, but I think I should stay here. I…wantto stay here in Astreona, at least for a little while.” She’s staring at her feet now. “I want to learn about what it means to be a Siphon.”
I take a deep, shaking breath. I want to find some way to rationalize around it, to twist reality enough that it would make sense for Saela to come with us.
But I know—Iknow—that taking her would put her in harm’s way, and I owe her better. I have already endangered her so many times. Taking her to the front with us, and then deep into what I thought to be enemy territory.
I can choose to let Saela stay here, far from the conflict, in the company of other Siphons.
In the company of ourfather. Whatever my feelings toward him, it’s clear he has a genuine affection for Saela, and she wants to get to know him, too.
I lift Saela’s face. Her eyes are as teary as mine, and I can’t stop the strangling hug that follows.
“I don’twantto leave you,” I whisper to her. Saela lets out a hiccupping cry and hides against me. My shirt quickly wets with her tears. I smooth my hand over her hair and speak to reassure myself as much as my sister, “It won’t be for good. I promise I’ll be back for you.”
Saela nods against me and says, “I can literally wait forever for you, so try not to die. Okay?”
My laughter starts to ease the crushing weight of emotion. “I’ll do my very best.”
Saela pulls back just enough to look up into my eyes. “And Meryn? Make Killian pay.”
I clench my teeth, cup my sister’s cheek, then say, “I’ll do my very best at that, too.”
By early afternoon, our group gathers in a garden courtyard under the shade of wide-leafed trees. The air is balmy, with a slight breeze that rustles the colorful plants. A fountain with a fish-tailed woman is trickling away, sparkling with turquoise light. The idyllic scene is in sharp contrast with the mixture of reluctance and urgency twisting in my gut.
Cratos, Anassa, and Ephyse lap from the water as they wait for everyone else before we depart for Bloomfang.
Saela and our father have joined us to say goodbye. I let Saela fawn over Anassa, who is aching over this goodbye almost as much as I am, and level my father with a glare.
