“This isn’t you. Get up.”
My body is like stone in the bed. I wait, shame and anger roiling in me, squeezing my eyes shut, refusing to look at him. He stands in the doorway for what seems like hours, but eventually, he leaves.
Some time later, Lee quietly lets himself in. I don’t turn to look, but I know it’s him right away. I can tell by the smell of pine, by the confident tread of his step.
He says nothing, just climbs into the bed with me, fitting his chest against my back, his knees into the crook of mine. At the press of warmth, my eyes prickle, and then I’m sobbing, crying for the first time since Saela was taken.
I cry endlessly, and Lee holds me. When I finally stop, neither of us says anything. Lee just clasps my hand in his, his thumb sweeping across the back of my hand, back and forth, back and forth.
I must fall asleep, because when I open my eyes again, it’s bright in the room, the light from the window falling harshly across my face.
Lee has left, but my arms are wrapped tightly around something—Saela’s pillow. As my vision comes into focus, I notice a small strand of her hair still on the fabric, the color brown a shade deeper than my own. The single strand shimmers in the square of sunlight.
I sit up.
Something has broken and resettled in my chest. I promised her. Promised Saela that nothing would hurt her.
I fucking keep my promises.
The army recruitmentcenter in the Eastern Quarter is next to a butcher’s shop. Appropriate, I think grimly as I wait for the recruiter to find my family name on his sheet.
Every quarter has one of these centers, and you can tell the castle cares a bit more about them than anything else—the fire in the hearth is stacked with wood that burns merrily, giving off adry, seasoned smell unlike the damp peaty aroma of our stove at home. The walls are lined in paper, an indulgence you don’t see anywhere else in Eastern. And the furniture is scuffed and worn, but still obviously a higher quality than most.
My eyes skate across the recruiter’s uniform, the piles of paper on his desk, jumbles of forms and rosters. An oil lamp flickers, making shadows dance across his hands as he shuffles through the papers. It’s like they’re reaching for me.
“Ah, here,” he says finally. “Cooper. But—” he squints up at me doubtfully. “You weren’t summoned to serve. It says you have a caretaker exception.”
Everyone gets summoned at some point, unless they’re caring for an underage or elderly family member or have a health issue. I’ve had an exception next to my name since before I was even old enough to serve.
I swallow the lump in my throat. Father would hate it if he knew that I was following in his footsteps, heading to the brutal war front that haunted his dreams.
Father isn’t here.
“I know,” I say, steel in my voice. “I don’t care. I’m volunteering.”
It’s the only way. If the Nabbers are taking the kids across the borders to the Siphons, this is my only opportunity to get to Saela.
The recruiter and I stare at each other, and he grunts his assent, scribbling something on the sheet in front of him. “Well, in that case?—”
“How quickly can you send me to the front?”
The recruiter cocks his head to the side, considering. “We ask new recruits to report for training every six months, which typically gives them enough time to get their affairs in order. We have a boot camp starting up tomorrow, but I would recommend waiting until?—”
“I’ll be there,” I tell him swiftly. “Give me my orders.”
The man stares at me for a beat, trying to gauge how serious I am. Something in my face must convince him, because he just shakes his head like he disagrees with me, then stamps something on the paper.
“Done. Welcome to the King’s Royal Forces, Recruit Cooper.”
CHAPTER FIVE
After I leave the recruitment center, I head straight to find Lee, my breath puffing into the frosty air. I pull my threadbare coat tighter against myself, wishing I had a scarf—but I stormed out of the house with such certainty this morning that I didn’t even think of it.
Lee’s only at his small apartment a handful of days each week and otherwise stays up at the castle’s servant dormitories, but I know his schedule, and he should be home today. My mind is circling, and I set my jaw and study the scenery of Northern as I walk, determinedly putting tomorrow from my mind.
There will be time to panic later. But right now, I need to explain myself to Lee.
The Northern Quarter, the neighborhood closest to the imposing castle, isn’t as alien as the Bonded’s streets, but it’s still very different from Eastern.
