Tilley nodded, sniffling, and wiped her eyes.
“Till, your singing didn’t kill Robert. Now, mine might have, but yours did not.”
She smiled just a little. He was a sweet boy.
“Honest to God, Till, I thought you were going to say you were screwing his best friend when he died or something. You were pursuing your passion! Living your dream! You don’t have to apologize for that. Especially not to people who love you.”
She shrugged. “Maybe not now. But it was a different time.”
“Well, it’s not a different time now.” Mason looked at her seriously. “Tilley, you know how you feel when you’re onstage, when the lights are on you and the audience is in the palm of your hand and you hit just the right high note?”
She nodded, feeling the joy of that well up in her.
“I can’t say for sure, but I’m pretty positive it’s the same way I felt when I would throw my famous Southern Slider, and it was strike three, and the crowd would go wild, and I felt like I could run the world.”
Tilley rested her head on Mason’s shoulder briefly. “I’m sorry, honey.”
“Don’t be sorry,” he said. “But don’t take for granted that you can still do that thing that makes you feel most alive.”
She suddenly felt guilty. He was right. He had had this thing he was so superlative at stripped away from him. She still had a chance to pursue her passion.
“We both lost one big thing that we loved. But there are other things we love, and we can still have those. Right?”
Tilley shrugged. “But what if I go out there, and I perform, and something bad happens?”
He grinned. “But what if you go out there and something good happens?”
She could tell from his face that he was scheming. And, well, even panicked and sad, Tilley loved a good scheme. “Something good?”
“Maybe a gesture? A big one? The grand kind?”
Tilley gasped delightedly, finally feeling back to herself. “Oh, sweetheart! I had almost forgotten!” All her cells were back and delighted and dancing for joy. “I have the perfect, perfect plan.”
As Tilley explained Mason’s part to play tonight, she knew she wouldn’t be able to forget Robert when she was out on that stage, that she would think about the last time she had felt so wonderful and something so terrible had happened. But Mason was alive and here and hers. She had the chance to change his life for the better with just a little song and dance. And that was an opportunity, Tilley knew, she would never say no to. The show must go on. And Tilley knew then that she would too.
DAISYA Whole Life Long
I had asked Allison if I could be the one to take Maisy to Cheryl and Andy’s house. She would accompany me, but this situation was pretty cut-and-dry. Maisy’s parents had decided they wanted her back. It blew my mind that this was legal, that they could just take their baby. But that was the case. In fact, it was theideal, and I knew it. We wanted children with their families.
Despite some awkwardness between us with the whole Mason situation, I had filled Amelia in on what was going on. She had offered to get the nursery cleaned out so that I wouldn’t have to come home to Maisy’s room—and no Maisy. But I had said no. As painful as it was to part from the baby I loved so much, I thought that maybe this was a beginning for me. I had fostered a baby I was nothing short of fully attached to. And even though it had ended sadly, I knew I would do it again. Taking care of children was what I was meant to do. Fostering was just another way for me to do that.
My heart pounded as I slid into the back seat, beside the baby carrier, for what I knew would be the final time. I stroked Maisy’s forehead as she looked up at me with her big eyes. I didn’t want her to see me cry. I talked to her in soothing tones. “Mais, I want youto know how very, very much I love you. And I’m so scared you’re going to think that I’ve abandoned you. But I haven’t. I would never. You’re just going back to your mom and dad now. And your grandparents. And you are going to be so loved. You have this whole big family—”
My voice broke on “family,” and I had to turn away. Because I had allowed myself to believe, so foolishly, that that’s what I was getting. Maisy and I were going to be a family. I was going to give her what I never got. But, I reasoned, trying to compose myself, Drew and Sarah would give her that now. And I was happy for her.
I slid her out of the car seat, holding her close to me, kissing her cheek, inhaling that intoxicating baby smell coming from the top of her head. A car pulled up beside me, and I knew that it was time.
Allison walked over and peeked in. I couldn’t keep my tears from falling now, knowing that these were my last minutes with my Maisy. My insides burned with devastation and anger, my head feeling light at the idea that this wasit. How could I possibly let her go? Everything inside of me wanted to put her back in the car seat and drive away, across the state line. I imagined myself in court making an impassioned plea to the jury.They just left her in a dumpster; she is the most precious thing in the world to me.But I wouldn’t. Because not only would I not win, I also knew that, yes, they had made some mistakes, but Sarah and Drew had the support of Cheryl and Andy. Maisy was going to be fine.
Allison squatted down beside me outside the car. “Hey, it’s going to be okay, you know. You did everything for this little girl. You’re her fairy godmother. This isn’t goodbye.”
I took a deep breath, trying to be brave. I nodded and touched my cheek to Maisy’s again.
“You ready?” Allison asked.
“I’ll never be ready,” I whispered. Maisy buried her face in my neck, and I felt my breath catch in my throat. How was I possibly going to live without her?
Allison squeezed my arm, and I heard what she wasn’t saying:It isn’t going to get easier.
