I was planning to rock Maisy, to read to her, to sing to her, all the things I knew a mother should do. But her little eyes were closed so fully that I knew it was better to just put her to bed. As I laid her in the crib and stroked her forehead, Mason came up behind me, and, together, we stared at this sleeping little dream like she was ours, like we had made her. We hadn’t, of course. But we had saved her. Together. And maybe that wasn’t the same thing, but, in that moment, it sort of felt like it.
After a few minutes of quiet, Mason turned me around. He kissed me tenderly, making me wonder if he was feeling what I was feeling, if even though he hadn’t admitted it out loud, he loved me too. I led him out of the room, closing the door behind me, and into my room, tofinish what we had started. And, lost in his arms, I never gave another thought to the dinner I was going to cook, to the conversation we were supposed to have. I knew we needed to talk about Tilley and Robbie. And I knew that, in the very near future, if not tonight, I needed to tell him that I was thinking of adopting Maisy. None of that mattered now. It was Mason and me. The rest, I felt absolutely positive, would work itself out.
MASONUpper-Level Coursework
About 2 a.m., when Maisy woke up for the second time, I kind of wanted to leave. Daisy fed her, but she wouldn’t stop crying. I put a pillow over my head, but it wasn’t like this was a big place. I could obviously still hear her. Did I get up and help Daisy? I wasn’t sure what the protocol was. But, also, I had a big day, and I needed sleep and, if Daisy was to be believed, the baby would be up again at five—if she ever even fell back asleep. I wasn’t sure I was cut out for this baby stuff.
The UNC coach was coming to meet about Drew, and I didn’t want to phone it in for him. But no way around it, I was going to be exhausted. How wasDaisygoing to do this all alone? I guessed a person could handle anything for a few weeks. I had a whole new respect for Parker and Amelia. They had done this with double babies.
I finally drifted off to sleep again sometime around 3:15. I’m not sure if Maisy stopped crying then or if I just blocked it out. But I do know that when she started crying again, and I looked at my phone, it was 5:12. And Daisy was lying beside me. “Noooo,” she said, whimpering. I couldn’t help but laugh even though I was so tired I felt like Icouldn’t keep my eyes open. “Remember that thing I said about wanting to be a dad? I wasn’t aware that no one slept ever.”
“No one sleeps ever,” Daisy said into her pillow.
That was when I made a command decision: I was going to get up with the baby. I half rolled myself out of bed.
“What are you doing?” Daisy asked.
“I’ll go get her,” I said. “But I have no idea how to make a bottle.”
Daisy gave me a thumbs-up. So, not exactly the hero’s thank-you I was expecting, but I figured she was too tired to be appropriately grateful.
I stumbled across the hall, where Maisy was wailing. “Mais, girlfriend,” I said, “this is really dramatic.”
She stopped crying and looked at me as I lifted her out of the crib. I raised her to my shoulder so her face was close to mine, holding her head. Was I mastering baby holding? I felt like maybe I was.
“I get it,” I said. “I get hangry too. But, like, people have to sleep around here. So maybe after you eat this time you could snooze a little?”
Maisy started crying louder, and I walked her around the small space. These town houses weren’t super well-built, and I bet the neighbors were having a lot of fun with the new baby situation.
Daisy gestured for me to give her the baby, but she looked so tired. And, yeah, I had a big meeting today, but she was about to start a twelve-hour shift where people depended on her to save their lives. Baseball was important in Cape Carolina, but notthatimportant.
“It’s okay,” I said. “You go back to sleep. I’ll feed her.”
Daisy shook her head. “No, no. I signed up for this. You didn’t. You go back to sleep.”
It was tempting.
“Plus, you’re scared of burping.”
I laughed. “Nah. Now that I’ve mastered the shoulder hold, I’m good.”
Daisy studied me. “All right then. If you’re sure.”
“I’m sure.”
She looked at me like I was her hero. And, sure, I didn’t really want to sign up for this forever, but I felt like I was getting some good credit lined up for when things went back to normal.
I took the bottle and the baby, who was wailing her head off, back into the nursery. I sat in the rocking chair and readjusted her. As soon as she saw the bottle coming for her, she quit crying.
I rocked a little and leaned my head back. It was totally dark besides the night-light. The world was quiet. The baby was content, a little stream of milk that I dabbed with a towel coming out of her mouth. She looked up at me like I had saved her life. Well, I mean, Ihadsaved her life. But that I had saved her life again just by feeding her. It was a pretty cool feeling.
“So, how do you feel about baseball, Maisy? Want to come to my game tonight? I think the boys would think you were pretty cool. Or, maybe they’ll ignore you, but our newly minted baseball cheerleading squad will want you to be their mascot.”
She continued sucking, putting her hand on mine, her eyes never leaving my face. “We could get you a little baby Marlins uniform and they could carry you around, give Daisy a break.” I smiled. “They stay up all night anyway. Maybe we could get one of them over here for that two a.m. feeding.”
I knew she didn’t know what I was saying, but it was kind of fun anyway. I burped her, finished her feeding, and burped her again. When I tried to put her in the crib, she started crying again. I didn’t want Daisy to wake up, so I held her and rocked her, the thing Daisy expressly told me not to do. But she snuggled into me and fell back asleep, and I juststared at her, marveling that this was the same goo-covered infant I had found in that dumpster. And now she was beautiful and bigger and oh-so clean. And loved. By Daisy. Maybe even by me, which was kind of weird. I thought about Drew, about how he’d probably never know that this was his baby, how he’d never get to feel this thing for this child that was half his. But would he feel this for her? Or would he only feel panic? He was just a kid, after all. He could pitch. But could he stay up all night with a baby? I wasn’t so sure.
I must have drifted off because, at some point, Daisy’s voice woke me, and I startled, panicked because I was supposed to be watching the baby. But she was asleep, cradled in my arms.
