After she walked away, I felt a pang of longing for Halloween candy. I closed my eyes and saw Connor trying to shove an entire Snickers bar into his mouth.
Is Meredith right?I wondered.Have I already met him?
Thirteen
By early July, the sun was blazing, but I was out in our front field doing stickwork drills. Arthur and Francine were keeping to the shade, the two dogs sprawled out on the porch. The Cheval Collective didn’t have any meetings in the barn office today; otherwise, I knew Dad would insist I put on actual clothes. The last thing he would’ve wanted was for prospective clients to drive up and see me in nothing but a sports bra and spandex.
Although I thought my white PENN FIELD HOCKEY baseball hat was an especially nice touch. It had been included in my WELCOME TO THE QUAKERS! gift basket I’d received several weeks after committing. The card had been signed by everyone on the team.
I just have to get in, I kept telling myself like an incantation.Straight As, awesome application, early acceptance letter.
But it was also summer, and I was having a lot of fun. Last night, I’d gone into Philadelphia with Davis and Natalie to see Phoebe Bridgers. “I’m a third wheel!” Davis announced after the concert. “I’m officially a third wheel.”
“Yes.” Natalie playfully kissed his cheek. He was giving her a piggyback ride while she and I sang “Moon Song” in our raspy, worn-out voices. I couldn’t stop laughing, amazed that she and I had become such fast friends. “You are.” She turned to me. “Now we need to find a fourth.”
“I know, I know,” I told her. “I’m working on it.”
“Butareyou?” she teased. “Actually?”
I comically threw up my arms. Natalie was hardcore shipping Connor and me; I’d brought him as my plus-one to her birthday party a few weeks ago, because I’d been nervous about not knowing anyone. “I can feel the sparks between you two,” she’d said that night (slightly sloshed). “Go for it, Mads!”
I admit I now wanted to, but I wasn’t surehowto go for it. How did one ask their best friend out? And what would happen to our relationship if Connor said no? “He won’t,” Austin kept telling me. “Trust me, Mads, I’ve known him since he was a toddler.”
“Same here,” I pointed out.
“Nope, this is different,” my brother said. “I’m older, and a guy.”
I’d rolled my eyes. “So what, are you saying he’s always been secretly pining for me?”
“No.” Austin was blunt. “Definitely not.”
He cracked up at the way my face dropped over FaceTime. I hadn’t wanted the answer to beyes, per se, but doesn’t every girl fantasize—even just briefly—that someone is secretly in love with her? At some point?
“But Iamsaying that I think there’s always been somethingthere,” he continued. “You two have been tight for over a decade, but you’re also both complete knuckleheads who won’t quit goofing around to see it. If one of you finally opens your eyes and makes a move, the other will get quickly with the program.”
“How romantic,” I said, straight-faced.
“C’mon, it is!” Austin chuckled again. “Mads, he’s your best friend. Wouldn’t it be awesome if your best friend became your favorite person?”
His last two words made something twist in my chest.Favorite person, Austin Fisher-Michaels’s synonym forsoulmate. I suddenly remembered talking to Samira back in April, while hiding in the bridal salon’s bathroom. “It could be nice to be with your best friend,” she’d mused. “The person you never stop laughing with, the person who always has your back, the person who knows you inside and out…”
But what happens if we end up like you and Samira, Austin?I thought.You were best friends before you became more, and look what happened after you did. She wasn’t your favorite person forever.
And I felt like Austin and Samira were the exception to the rule. Most exes never stayed friends afterward. I couldn’t bear to lose Connor entirely.
I’d almost mentioned that during Austin’s and my FaceTime call, but I ended up keeping my lips zipped after Austin told me that I’d never know with Connor unless I tried. It was amazing how he could read my mind sometimes. We hung up after headded that texting Connor some version ofDo you want to start going out?was lazy.
(Andlast resort–sounding, per Katie’s unsolicited opinion.)
I had to make a flashy move.
God, what should that be?I wondered as I hit a reverse shot. Embarrassingly, I missed the net and the ball flew far into the meadow. “Dammit,” I muttered, grabbing another neon yellow sphere from my ball bucket. A line of fiery sweat trickled down my back.
But it turned ice-cold when I heard the hum of a car coming up the driveway. Arthur and Francine started barking, but I hesitated to turn around, suddenly wishing I’d listened to Dad and put on his definition ofactual clothes. My workout gear…
Well, I suddenly felt flat-out naked.
The dogs’ upbeat woofs meant the arrival was someone they knew. I internally counted to three before turning to see a slate-colored Acura that I knew Marco had affectionately nicknamed the “Bumper Car” due to its various dents.
