But not quite.
“Yeah, we get that a lot,” Chad muttered, then cleared his throat. “How, uh, do you know Derek?”
I told him.
And, somewhat surprisingly, Chad did not apologize for his brother. “I’m nothing like Derek,” he said instead. “Ipromise.” He shifted from one foot to the other, and it was then that I noticed he wasn’t as tall as Derek and wasn’t carrying any beer weight. “And I’ve been really looking forward to this.” He half smiled, dimples appearing—my pulse spiked, wishing they weren’t so eerily like his brother’s—as he gestured to the rink. “Do you still want to skate?”
I took a breath, then nodded. “Sure,” I said. “Let’s do it.”
But all I could think while tying my skates was:Why didn’t I bring Connor?
***
“Is there going to be a second date?” Yasmin asked after I finished speaking. “It sounds like it went well overall!”
“No,” Courtney, the therapist, said firmly at the same time Meredith, who clearly had impressive intuition, went, “Are you kidding, Yaz?”
Yasmin shrugged. “What? It seems like they had a good time after getting over the whole Douchebag Derek thing.”
“Chadhad a nice time,” I said, my quiche now cold. “But I only pretended to; I didn’t—couldn’t—get over the connection.” I chewed and swallowed a bite. “I knew he wanted to hold my hand, but I kept outmaneuvering him. They look so much alike—toomuch alike. I can’t…” I trailed off, uncomfortable all over again. “I just can’t.”
Courtney nodded as Meredith squeezed my shoulder in support. Even though I thought it’d been beyond obvious I hadn’t wanted to hold Chad’s hand, he kept up our lighthearted conversation and had asked me to dinner after the free skate ended. But I’d declined, and he guessed why. It had put me on edge even letting him hug me goodbye.
“I’m sorry, Mads,” Amanda said. “Katie mentioned you visiting Princeton, but all she said was it wasn’t the right fit. I didn’t know about that guy.”
“This isn’t the end of the world,” Reese said after a few beats. “For your next date, I think you should pick an app—Bumble, maybe—and set up a profile. What do you think?”
“I think we should stop playing this stupid game,” I muttered, and when all the bridesmaids blinked at me, I added, “It hasn’t worked and hasn’t been that fun.”
Reese arched an eyebrow. “Oh, really?”
“Reese,” Meredith warned. “Don’t.”
The bridesmaid ignored her. “Well, I hate to break it to you, Mads, but that’s what dating’s like. You’ve only been on two dates! Of course it hasn’tworked. I sometimes go on three dates a week, and still, nothing has truly stuck or been particularly fun. It’s not”—she made air quotes—“magiclike every garbage Bachelor Nation show makes it out to be.”
Amanda grimaced in agreement.
My cheeks flamed. “I know that,” I fired back. “Those shows are beyond overproduced, and the couples almost always breakup once the bubble breaks. I get it.” I glanced around for the bride, of all people, but Katie was eternally lost to the shower guests. “I guess I thought you’d all be more like Chris Harrison—yes, I know he no longer hosts the show—and support me.” I shrugged. “I feel alone. You set me up with these guys and then I feel alone.”
“That’s how you feel while dating,” Reese said matter-of-factly.
Courtney sighed. “Reese, I know I’m not your therapist, but maybe we should talk about your romantic life…”
“Mads, you could’ve texted us after Douchebag Derek,” Meredith said. “Or FaceTimed after skating with Chad. You didn’t need to wait until today to share.” She offered me a smile. “We really are here for you.”
But I don’t want to talk to you about it, I thought, as kind as Meredith and the others (except for Reese right now) were.
“Yeah,” Yasmin echoed. “If you want us to be Chris Harrison, all you need to do is ask.”
I was silent for several moments, then rose from my chair. I wanted to find Nana. “I have a busy summer,” I said. “Can we postpone the setups until further notice?”
“Of course,” Amanda said before the others could. “I take dating breaks all the time. It’s healthy. Let us know when you’re ready again.”
“Orifyou’re ready again,” Meredith amended. “There’s no pressure, Mads.” She pushed back her chair too, a signal that she was going to mingle. “And despite what Ice Queen Reese says,”she said when we were far enough away from the bridesmaids, “thisismeant to be fun.”
The corners of my eyes prickled. “I want a boyfriend,” I said, because after seeing how happy Katie (somehow) made Austin, getting a glimpse of Meredith and Wit’s relationship, and running into Davis and Natalie, I realized I did. I wanted that someone that I could share endless inside jokes with and hug after a long day. Someone that would love me even when I was fired up and hangry. “But I don’t know how to find one,” I told Meredith. “I can talk to guys”—I thought of Connor—“but I can’ttalkto guys.”
Meredith smiled faintly. “Katie used to say that all the time in college. People would hit on her whenever we went out, but she said her brain would short-circuit and she couldn’t ever generate a snappy response.” She laughed. “She once begged me to teach her how to flirt, but it turned out I didn’t need to. When she met Austin, she knew exactly what to say.” She squeezed my arm. “You’ll know what to say when you meet the right person, whether through one of these blind dates or a chance encounter. Who knows…?” She gave me a look. “You might have already met him.” A pause, then a slight smile. “You might have met him a long time ago.”
