“Oh yeah?” My voice caught. Yes, they were different. Of course they were different, but I wanted him to tell me, to finally admit why. “How?”
“Because it’s my brother,” he said, giving me a hard stare. “And he’s in love with you.”
CHAPTER 18
CHARLIE
During hockey season, we ate as a teamevery night, commandeering three of Leighton’s center tables so all eighteen of us could sit together. Captains sat at the head of the table, but Nick barely spoke tonight, instead shoveling Bexley’s infamous taco lasagna into his mouth like he hadn’t eaten in a month. I caught some sour cream dripping down onto his Patagonia.
ThePatagonia. Last Saturday had gotten way out of hand, but notblackoutout of hand. Because the next morning, I’d remembered Sage wearing Nick’s fleece…and that was the tip-off, the tip-off that had highlighted all the little tip-offs I’d missed over the term: Sage missing from movie night, Nick stopping by our Addison table all the time and then abruptly leaving.That’s who Sage was always texting, I realized.Texting Nick, so he’d split. Probably worried he was too obvious with his smiles.
Then homecoming, how strange Sage had acted that whole night. “Her? Really?” she’d grumbled upon seeing Emma Brisbane with Nick. It wasn’t just that she didn’t like Emma; it was because she was jealous of her.
Nice work, rook, I imagined Agent Luke Morrissey saying.Now the motive for the secrecy?
Easy, I would’ve said.You’re looking at him.
It hurt that neither of them had told me, but as soon as I felt that clenching in my chest, I knew why.The Sage factor, someone once called it.
Sage was my best friend, but I also used her to an extent. I wasn’t proud of it, but I did. She was my get-out-of-jail-free card—no one could suspect the truth if they believed I was in love with her. And how could they fault me for that? She was sunshine in human form, the most loyal and loving person I knew. She was, in so many ways, my soul mate. So I let people assume what they wanted to assume.
But what did she say to Nick?I wondered, as my brother rose from the table to get seconds.To swear him to secrecy?Perhaps protecting me wasn’t her only motive. “Just leave, Charlie,” Nick said through his door Sunday night, after I found his Patagonia abandoned on Mortimer’s porch. Sage had returned it. “It got too complicated.” He choked, like his heart was caught in his throat. “And was never that serious, anyway.”
Then I heard him move away from the door. I pressed my forehead against the other side and squeezed my eyes shut.Tell him, I thought.Tell him everything.
A few days later, Bexley battened down the hatches for final exams. I knew Sage and the flock had camped out in the library, in Jennie’s personal study room. It was gigantic, complete with a Harkness tablefor our student council meetings. There was even a gold-embossed nameplate on the door: J. H. CHU, PRESIDENT.
I stayed in my room. Sage and I hadn’t spoken since our fight, and it was easier that way—I didn’t have to see Luke. Because for the most part, I’d been able to avoid him. I ate with the hockey guys, and obviously he didn’t come over forSurvivoranymore. The two tribes had merged, and I’d really wanted to ask him what he thought of Emily willing the legacy advantage to Hardy, but I didn’t.
The only place I couldn’t duck him was Frontier Lit, so I was relieved when classes ended. It meant I didn’t have to sit across the table from him anymore, and hear the collective breath the class took every time someone finished speaking, waiting for Luke to launch into his counterargument. Because he didn’t think twice about getting into it with people; he checked his shyness at the classroom door. He didn’t pick apart everyone’s opinion, but I always knew when he was about to—drumming his fingers lightly on the table, rolling his eyes at least twice, and taking a huge gulp from his water bottle to be plenty hydrated. He was the very definition of a Harkness Warrior, someone who slayed class debates. And Mr. Magnusson loved it. If discussion was ever lacking, he would make some statement like, “O Pioneers!does not value Emil and Marie’s love,” and then look at Luke and go, “Mr. Morrissey, your thoughts?”
Our final for Frontier Lit was just a paper, so I finished that before monitoring the study group that had gathered in my room. Carter Monaghan was attempting to relearn the last three months of precalc, Eddie Brown conjugated French verbs, and Kyle Thompson flipped through his bio flashcards. Dhiraj was waiting for me to edit his Euro paper.
But then I started thinking about Luke. “You’re the one with the highest GPA, aren’t you?” he’d asked while reading over our joint essay for that map assignment. He glanced up from his laptop and gave me a look, one of his eyebrows raised.Yes? No?
I’d shrugged. “It’s probably by only a tenth of a point.”
“Nope.” Luke shook his head. “I bet it’s a flat-out landslide.”
I pretended to be downright fascinated by his backpack.
“Yet,” he continued, “you don’t like talking about it, when—from what I’ve gathered so far—youdoenjoy talking about yourself quite a bit.”
I glared at him. “Fuck off.”
Luke laughed. “No, I didn’t mean it like that. I just meant it’s interesting.” He paused.“You’reinteresting…”
God, I now shut my eyes, gut twisting. I just—
“Hey, Charlie!” Dhiraj called from across my room. “Is my paper hopeless?”
Now, I lay in my bed and listened to the dial tone, hoping he would answer. Because if I were him, I probably wouldn’t.
He picked up on the fourth ring. “Hi.”
I exhaled—not realizing I hadn’t been breathing. “Hi.”
“What’s up?”
