“But what are you so afraid of?” he asked when I didn’t say more.
“I love you,” I said again. “I love you, and I have such acrushon you.”
He chuckled. “I do too,” he replied. “I’ve always had a crush on you, to be honest. You’re my first.”
“Right, exactly.” I squeezed my eyes shut. “And I don’t want anything getting in the way of you being mylast.”
“Hey—” he started, but I kept going, all of it finally spilling out.
“I’m scared that if we do this now, we’re going to mess somethingup. You’ll be at Yale, and I’ll be at Middlebury, and long-distance almost never works. We’re too young and there’s too much going on, and I want us to be fanatic hockey parents together someday. I want us to throw our neighborhood’s annual Fourth of July cookout someday.” I swallowed, having no control over myself. “So I don’t think we should chance it. I don’t want to end up like my parents. I don’t want to ruin us before we’ve even begun. We should wait, until it’s right, until we’ve experienced life away from each other.”
Nick was quiet for a while, but then he resumed paddling, directing us toward the shore. I climbed back up on the dock first, and then helped him drag the kayak out of the water. It was only when I started cleaning up the s’mores setup that Nick finally spoke. “That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard,” he said.
I swallowed the marshmallow I was chewing. “Huh?”
“What you said, about how we shouldn’t be together yet. That’s a load of crap and sounds like anepicwaste of time. Why can’t it be ‘right’ right now? I want you, and you want me, so why wait? Let’s be together. It doesn’t matter how young we are, or that we’ll be at different schools.” He moved to wrap me in a hug. “Yeah, it might be hard. It might even bereallyhard, but I want us to try.”
My heart was pounding. I did too—really, truly did. Honestly, I didn’t think I could do another week, much less another few years, of us not being together. Of him being with someone else. It was too hard now that I knew how good it could be.
Nick smiled and tugged on my ponytail. “So come on, what do you say?”
We rode Ace and Stinger back to main campus together, after hiding Nick’s stuff behind the boathouse. “Charlie will help me deal with it tomorrow,” he said. I spotted Reese and Jack out on Simmons’ patio when we parked our bikes in the rack. They waved.
Nick waved back, but I didn’t. I just grinned and threw my arms around him so we could kiss for all to see. I heard Reese say to Jack, “I fucking knew it.”
Unfortunately, Nick didn’t stay on the patio for long. “I don’t want Emma to find out like this,” he whispered after politely booting me from his lap, ex-girlfriend now in sight. “I’ll see you tomorrow?”
“You better.” I smiled, and not fifteen minutes later, Charlie was calling me. “Fantastic news!” I greeted him. “Now webothhave boyfriends!”
But the line was silent for five long seconds, before I heard my best friend say in this trembling voice, “Please come, Sage.” He let out a choking sob. “I really need you.”
My heart dropped about ten million stories. “Charlie, where’s Luke?”
More uneven breathing and hiccups, and then, “Just please come.”
“I will.” I nodded quickly. “Where are you?”
“My room.”
“Okay, I’m on my way. Calm down. I’m coming as fast as I can.”
CHAPTER 34
SAGE
I didn’t usually wake up until 11:00 a.m. onSundays, but that morning, I rolled out of bed at 9:53, when my phone buzzed with a new text.Passing on brunch today,Luke had written.Really tired.
Well, I thought, shifting into protective-best-friend mode,“really tired” or not, we need to have a chat.
I was at his door by 10:13, after creeping through Brooks’ eerily deserted common room and up to the top floor. I hesitated at first, thinking that maybe I shouldn’t wake him, but knocked on the door anyway. “Yeah?” I heard Luke call, and I jumped. He soundedveryawake.
“Hey,” I said when I walked in. “We need…”
But I trailed off, suddenly speechless. Luke’s room was a colossalmess. His bed was a wreck—an explosion of pillows and blankets—and all his dresser drawers were open, clothes spilling out of them. “What are you doing?”
“Purging,” Luke answered, rifling through his closet and emerging with two checked button-downs. And he too, I saw, was a mess. His jaw was locked and his eyes red-rimmed. I stood there likea dumbstruck idiot while he crossed his tiny room and carelessly folded the shirts before tossing them in the box on his desk. My pulse pounded, realizing what he was doing.
“Luke, no,” I began. “Don’t—”
