“Kami, I don’t know if this is a good idea, if we should really…”
But I kissed him before he could say any more. “You’re the only one I want and need right now.” I caressed his face.
“But who will you need tomorrow?”
“Tomorrow I’ll need you more than today,” I said, sweeping my fingers down his cheeks to his bare chest.
“Are you sure?”
There was sorrow in his words, and I said nothing more. I decided from then on I would try tomake himhappy. I wouldn’t tolerate hearing sadness in his voice. I kissed his bare skin, running my tongue down his abs—abs only a guy who worked out every day could have. I ran my hands over his body, and he was touching me now too, in a way I could tell he had been wanting to do for so long.
We hadn’t done it yet because we hadn’t found the perfect moment. But sleeping with Taylor was something I’d been looking forward to, even if I hadn’t thought I’d be capable of it until now. The fact that the last person I’d been with had violated my privacy and broke my confidence hurt so much that I needed to do something to remedy it.
Taylor didn’t let me toy with him for long. Before I knew it, he’d grabbed me by the waist and flipped me over, getting on top of me. He pressed his hard dick between my legs, seeking me out desperately. We didn’t speak. It was a game of looks and caresses.The oldest game in the world, played out with the sweetest, kindest person I’d ever known.
I slipped my clothes off slowly as he kissed my bare skin until suddenly I couldn’t take it anymore. “Please,” I urged. Meanwhile he was still fully dressed from the waist down.
“I want to taste you first,” he said, kissing his way down my stomach. He tugged my panties off and slowly licked me… I squirmed shyly with pleasure. “I’m going to devour you,” he said. Feeling his breath between my legs, I felt a wave of immense pleasure and I couldn’t wait for it to crash over me.
When he finally tasted me, he didn’t stop until I was trembling against his lips, my wetness mixed with his saliva, and I finally knew: This was what it meant to trust someone. This was what it meant to be together.
This was what sex was supposed to be like.
I should never have given my virginity away before I was ready. We have this idea that sex is just sex and we shouldn’t make such a big deal about our first time. Like if my friends are doing it, doesn’t that mean I should do it too? If my boyfriend wants to, then why not? We treat it like it’s nothing, but it matters. Sex is more than just taking off your clothes, touching each other, having an orgasm. Sex is complicity, trust, emotion—or at least it should be. And it should be every time we do it. From the first to the last. Losing your virginity to some asshole is something that can mark you for life.
That video proved it.
With Taylor touching me, I felt comfortable. I felt desired. With Taylor kissing my mouth, my thighs. With Taylor unable to resist the urge to finger me. Slowly at first and then fast, so fast I couldn’t keep from moaning. Moaning from pleasure. I was on the verge of coming when Taylor pulled back and opened the drawer in his nightstand. “I want you to come with me inside you,” he said,kneeling next to me with the condom in his hand. “But first, will you put it in your mouth, please…” He was practically begging.
And I did. I took him in my mouth, making him quiver. I tasted him, and my mind…dammit, why did my mind do this to me? How could I be comparing the two of them? But I was. I won’t tell you who was longer, or thicker, just that they had both been gifted with good genes—the Di Bianco brothers were well-endowed…
I’d never minded giving blow jobs. It’s not like I had a lot of practice, but I’d gone down on Danny more than a few times and, well, it was something I felt comfortable doing. I liked feeling in control, like I could pleasure someone with my lips.
“Jesus, Kami,” Taylor said, tipping his head back as he sighed from pleasure. I could have kept going until he came, but he stopped me and stared at me with his eyes full of lust.
“You put it on me,” he said, handing me the condom.
I did it carefully, remembering how they’d taught us in Sex Ed, pinching the tip as I rolled it all the way down, being careful not to tear it with my fingernails.
Taylor sighed, and I could feel my insides trembling as I anticipated having him inside me. He got on top of me and kissed my neck, my breasts, my face, my ears. I could feel the tip of his penis graze my labia, and I parted my legs to let him in. I’d thought I’d be nervous, but no: my body was relaxed, ready to savor every kiss and caress.
“You’re so pretty, Kami,” Taylor said, looking down at me. Then he entered me, carefully but firmly.
I arched my back. He didn’t stop until he was all the way in.
“Oh my God,” I moaned, exhaling deeply as I got used to the feeling of him inside me. He began to move, slowly, watching my reaction to make sure he wasn’t hurting me. Once he could see I liked it and my body was rocking in time, he thrust harder and faster. I gasped, yelped with pleasure.
“Oh, fuck, Kami…” he said, speeding up still more.
I didn’t want to come yet, not so quickly. I pushed him aside and straddled him so I could be in control. In that position, it was easier to touch myself as I rode him. He held my waist and matched my rhythm, guiding me up and down faster and faster.
“I’m going to come,” he said after we’d been at it a while. I was riding him hard, and I never wanted it to end. I knew he was holding out as long as he could so that I could climax first.
I leaned over him, pressing our chests together in search of his mouth, and he pulled me into a deep kiss. Then he grabbed my hips frantically. The headboard was pounding against the wall, but we hardly noticed. All I wanted was to feel his pleasure, to experience his orgasm as he clutched me.
And when he came the sounds he made filled me with joy.
“Holy shit,” he said, squeezing me tightly.
