Chapter FourteenKami
Eventually, I made my way to the north bonfire, where I knew I wouldn’t have to see any of my classmates. It was huge, and the reflection of the flames against the white snow was incredible. All I wanted to do was draw!
Since it wasn’t that late, I decided to turn around and go to the art supply store downtown, which was ten minutes away, to buy a sketchbook and some pencils. Nothing fancy, but they would do for now. My urge to capture what I saw all around me was just too intense to ignore. On my way back, a few yards from the fire, I found a tree stump: the perfect place to sit down and work.
Taylor hadn’t responded to my message. I didn’t know if he was angry at me or just hadn’t picked up his phone, but I also didn’t want to overthink it. Julian had to have been lying when he said Taylor had been flirting with Ellie. I didn’t know what the hell he was getting at with that, but if he kept going down that road, he could kiss his so-called friend goodbye forever.
I opened the sketchbook and started drawing. There weren’t many people there, just a few families. The north bonfire wasmore of a calm place, whereas the parties at the south one always devolved into chaos.
As I sketched curves and lines and crosshatched shadows, I let my mind wander, thinking of all the things that had happened over the past few months: Taylor and Thiago coming back to Carsville, my breakup with Danny, my dad’s financial problems, the divorce, leaving the cheerleading squad, losing my car, getting a job, Dad moving away, meeting Julian… I stopped for a moment, realizing of all the things on my list Julian was the only good one. I wondered if I’d been too hard on him. He’d overstepped and stuck his nose in plenty of times when he shouldn’t have, but he was also always there for me. In fact, he was the only person who had sought me out on that special day to spend time together.
My eyes focused on the flames, their sinuous movements. Finally, I grabbed my phone, thinking I’d call Julian and tell him I was sorry. We could take a walk together, maybe. I also wanted to see if Taylor had written back. That was when I saw all the messages on my notification screen, insults, words no one had ever used with me before:
Slut.
Whore.
Fucking embarrassing.
Imagine what your father would think.
My turn next.
Check out the ex-cheerleader…
My heart was racing as I opened my Instagram. Someone had uploaded a video. From my account.
“Oh my God,” I said aloud, reflexively covering my mouth. It was a video of me. Naked. In bed. With someone feeling me up and recording me.
“Oh my God,” I repeated, wanting to vomit.
You could easily tell it was me. I was unconscious, and someone was touching me all over without my permission. The thought of me being like that, being recorded without knowing it, was horrifying and made me feel ashamed. I stiffened, as though frozen, the only sound was the blood pumping through my veins, almost as if it were trying to rouse me from the state of shock I’d been plunged into. Then I jerked, as if struck by an electric shock. I dropped my phone, crumpled to the ground, and puked next to the stump where I’d been sitting.
“Are you OK?” a stranger asked. But I couldn’t manage to say anything back.
I grabbed my phone, wiped my mouth with the back of my hand, and watched the video again. It was short, but it automatically repeated over and over, like a GIF. You could see my face for just a second, long enough for people to know it was me, then the camera moved down to my breasts, which a hand touched and squeezed, that was it.
I’d never let anyone record me like this.
And I’d only ever slept with one guy.
I got up somehow and started walking, unsure what I was doing, with the video playing over and over in my mind. Over and over. I crossed town in record time, or so it seemed, reaching the south bonfire and staring at the crowd through tears. My entire class was there, along with most of the rest of the school, and people were drinking and laughing as they warmed up around the fire.
But I blocked them all out. I saw only one person. The one person I needed to see then.
I walked over to him. Not stopping.
Danny Walker turned around just as my fists flew toward him, taking him by surprise as they landed hard.
“How could you?” I shouted, tears streaming down my cheeks. I was furious as I wiped them away and leaped on him.
I wanted to hurt him. I wanted to see him bleed.
That son of a bitch could have done anything to me, and I didn’t even know it. He’d recorded me half naked and put it on the internet for all the world to see.
“Kamila!” someone behind me shouted.
But I didn’t care.
