“Mrs. Mill, can I have one of these cookies too?” my brother asked.
“Of course, dear,” she said with a smile, ignoring my grandmother.
We said our goodbyes and strolled awhile longer through town. Everything looked gorgeous. There were stalls all around, a big bonfire in the center of the plaza, and snowplows parked at the edges of the square with big piles of snow beside them. The roofs of the houses and shops were still trimmed in white—it was all so picturesque that it made me want to sit down on a bench and draw, to capture people’s smiles, the firelight reflected in the children’s eyes, the bitter cold of the ice and the warmth of the flames…
“Kami!” someone called. I turned. Julian again.
I still wasn’t sure how I felt after our argument this afternoon, but I knew I wasn’t in the mood to introduce Julian to my mom or my grandmother. There was nothing I could do, though. He marched right up with a big smile on his face and kissed me on the cheek before introducing himself to my family.
“Julian Murphy, pleasure to meet y’all.”
My mother and grandmother introduced themselves in turn.
“Are you a friend of my granddaughter?” Grandma asked, sizing him up.
“I sure am,” he replied.
My mother glanced strangely back and forth between us and asked, “Aren’t you Kate’s brother?”
Now Julian stopped smiling. “Not by choice, but yeah. She’s my stepsister.”
“It’s been a long time since Kate’s come around the house. Are the two of you fighting or something, Kamila?”
This was the first time my mother had taken an interest in my social life since the school year started.
“No,” I lied. I didn’t feel like telling my mom that Kate and I weren’t talking. “I gotta go, all right?” At least Julian was good for one thing—he gave me an excuse to get the hell away from those two women.
“Already?” my brother asked, doe-eyed.
“Just for a little bit, bud. I’ll see you soon.”
Julian said goodbye, and we walked off in the opposite direction. “The party’s at the south bonfire,” he said. “I’ll take you.” He moved to grab my hand, but I resisted.
“I don’t want to go anywhere with you, Julian,” I said. I hadn’t forgotten what he’d said to me, and I wasn’t going to pretend I had.
“Why? Because of what I said before? Come on, Kam! It was just a misunderstanding!”
“No, it wasn’t, Julian. And stop calling meKam! Thiago is the only one who gets to call me that!” I don’t know where that came from, but the words spilled out before I could stop myself.
Julian gave me a strange look, disappointment mixed with something else. “Listen, I’m tired of following you around only to have you treat me this way,Kam-i-la. I said I was sorry, but I guess that doesn’t matter?”
“Youdidn’tsay you were sorry, Julian,” I responded, wishing he’d just leave me in peace. “You said that I was up on a pedestal. And you said I needed to be knocked off it. Then you said I had a special aura and everyone wanted to be like me. Well, which is it?”
“Do you not see it? You are different. You’re special…” He tried to touch me, but I drew back.
“I’m not, goddammit!” I said, starting to lose it. “And you know what? There are times when I miss the way things were before you got here. I know it’s not your fault, but this year has been absolute shit, and every day I’m just more and more alone.”
“I wonder why that is,” he answered sarcastically, apparently without thinking. Then he corrected himself automatically, telling me he was sorry, but the damage was done. And either way, I wasn’t in the mood to accept anyone’s apology.
“Maybe you’re right… Maybe I should be alone,” I said, very serious. “Andalonemeans without you popping up around every corner to first stroke my ego and then say something that makes me want to crawl into a hole.”
“I thought we were friends,” he said, but I knew he didn’t believe that.
“Friendship is something to be earned. And I’ve got too much to deal with right now to try to earn anything from anyone. Sorry.”
“Kamila!” he shouted as I walked off.
But I wasn’t in the mood to talk to him or anyone else.
I wanted to be alone. Truly alone.
