Clover
I held on to the rings on purpose. Julian didn’t question me when I handed him Bennett’s other things. I knew that if I gave them both back to him, that would be it.
When I got home that morning, I slept for a few hours wearing my ring as well as his on my thumb. That afternoon, Daisy dropped me off in Cannon Beach at my mom’s house on her way to the Portland Airport, and the house was so much quieter after living in a dorm for the last three and a half months. It was even more unsettling than having the dorm room to myself.
When my mom got home, she recruited me to help her clean out her closets—a project she’d started weeks ago and had abandoned. Mom had the next day off, so we stayed up until the job was done and then the next morning, we woke up and attacked another closet. It was therapeutic in a way.
Mom worked on Thanksgiving and after her shift, we grabbed dinner at the Driftwood Diner. I was glad to see that Marianne hadthe day off. We went home and Mom went to bed while I fell asleep on the couch watching a surprisingly sexy Christmas movie about a young Santa finding his Mrs. Claus. I spent the day wondering what Bennett was doing and thinking that most married couples probably don’t spend their first holiday apart. I was happy for the time with my mom, but every night that week, I found myself reaching out for a warm body that wasn’t there.
Mom drives me back to campus early on Sunday morning. The rain follows us along the coastal highway, and without any more closets to clean out, the low humming thoughts I’ve had all week long are pushed to the forefront of my mind.
“Mom?”
“Hmmm?”
“What if—do you think you and Sydney could ever be friends again?”
She ponders that for so long that I wonder if she heard me.
“I didn’t think so for a long time,” she finally says. “I still don’t know. But we were soulmates in that way that friends can be.” Her grip on the steering wheel tightens for a moment. “But it’s hard when money is involved. We were best friends, but I was also her employee. You know what I mean, Clo?”
I nod, and suddenly I’m second-guessing myself. I’ve been inching closer and closer to the realization that I want to be Bennett’s wife and that maybe it doesn’t matter how something starts, only how it grows. But the money of it all. It’s a burden that he will never understand the weight of.
“It’s a power dynamic. And it’s one that she abused when shefired me. But then… if someone had called you that. A predator… or something just as insidious. Wouldn’t I have done the same thing to them if I had the ability to?”
We listen to music for the rest of the ride and as we pass the welcome sign for Wexley, I say, “I love Bennett.”
“I know,” she says softly.
Tension I didn’t know I was holding on to unwinds as I exhale and sink back into my seat. Of course she knows. “I don’t know why, but staying married to him feels like cheating. Like—like I tricked him into this.”
She snorts, shaking her head. “I have watched that boy fall in love with you for the last ten years, baby. I don’t think he cares how you two got here. Just that you did.”
The car slows as she pulls up to the parking lot behind Haystack Hall.
“And if you’re concerned about me and Syd, we are two grown women. We will be just fine.”
“So, you wouldn’t be disappointed if—oh my god, I can’t believe I’m saying this—if we stayed married?” How is it that I feel suddenly thrust into adulthood and still so concerned with my mother’s approval? Will it always be that way?
She turns to me, smoothing a hand along my hair. “The list of things you could do to disappoint me is microscopic. Taking a chance on love? A love that’s built on forgiveness? I’m proud of you for that, and honestly, I’m taking notes. Syd and I both should.”
I practically vault myself over the center console to give her a hug.
When I text Bennett to ask him to come over, he responds and says he can’t be here until this evening.
I play it cool and tell him that will work, but I have about ten hours to burn until then.
I clean and organize the room. I study for finals for as long as my brain will allow me. I spend time in the pottery workshop, adding the last glaze to the paperweight I made for my final—a very blob-like octopus.
After I pace in her and Briar’s room for a solid hour, Daisy suggests I take an everything shower, and she even stocks me up on some of her pricier scrubs, hair masks, and skincare.
In the thirty minutes leading up to six o’clock, I panic.
I’m doing this all wrong. Bennett deserves a grand gesture. Something public and romantic. Not a quiet night in our little dorm room with its warped floorboards and peeling paint.
With three minutes to go, there’s a knock at the door.
He’s early.
