Sunny
“You are my sunshine, my only sunshine,” a voice sang to me as I pushed past the sleep.
I let out a long yawn that stretched from the tips of my toes all the way through my fingers as a kiss landed on my cheek and a soft familiar body curled around me.
“Merry Christmas Eve to my very best friend,” the voice said.
My eyes sprung open and I shrieked. “Bee! My honey Bee! You’re here!” I yawned again. “But who let you in? Mr.Tumnus?”
“Um, nobody, baby girl, because your front door was unlocked, along with your kitchen door and the door leading out to the stables. You and Isaac donotwatch enough murder documentaries and it shows. What do I always say?”
“This is how the killer gets you, Sunny,” I said, mimicking Bee’s husky purr. She said this to me at least once a week.
She sniffed. “Exactly.”
I burrowed against her a little. “Killer or not, this is way better than waking up with a boner to the back.”
Bee sat up a little and pulled me into her. She wore mustard yellow corduroy shorts with burgundy tights and a black-and-white-striped sweater. She had the post-honeymoon glow going and her cheeks were red with the remnants of sunburn. “Morning wood isn’t always bad,” she said.
“Yeah, unless it’s your hot, sad roommate who doesn’t know what he wants.”
She cringed slightly. “So I guess Jack was telling the truth. He gave me the rundown on his way home from his date with Isaac.”
“No one’s ever described anything that has come in or out of Jack’s mouth as the truth, but yes, I boned your husband’s best friend and it was great until it wasn’t, because I opened my mouth and told him I loved him and—”
“Sunny Palmer. Hold it right there. Did I just hear you say the wordlovein regard to a human person that is not currently presenting you with a burrito?”
I sighed. “I hate it. It’s stupid. I do not recommend it. Zero stars on Yelp. You know what’s great about vibrators? You can tell them you love them and they don’t get all weird about it.”
Bee stroked my hair and nodded. “That is great, but they also don’t cuddle.”
“Anything is cuddle-able if you just try hard enough,” I told her. “How was your honeymoon? Are you oversexed? Did you hit the bottom of the sex well? Did you bring enough lube? Oh, oh, did you role-play Edward and Bella’s honeymoon?”
“The honeymoon was great except for the night Nolan got food poisoning from suspicious street meat.”
“You know what I always say about street meat. You can’t win if you don’t play the game.”
She nodded solemnly. “Wise, wise words. We did have enough lube, and I didn’t even bring the gallon-size jug you bought us from Costco for my bridal shower.”
“I knew it was unrealistic to actually pack, I know, but running out of sunscreen and lube are my biggest fears. Well, at least it’s waiting for you at home.”
“And as for theTwilightrole-play... let’s just say the glitter body oil I packed was put to good use.”
“Goddamn,” I said. “You are living the dream.”
“If it makes you feel better, one night I had too many fruity-slushy-boozy drinks and I puked my guts up all night and then I started crying because my vomit was red and I thought I had tuberculosis. Like a nineteenth-century French prostitute! But you know, without a moody painter boyfriend taking all my money.”
“You have lived so many lives since I saw you last, but I have to gooooo,” I whined. “Charlie and Ruth are in town and I told them I’d meet them for lunch.”
“Wait. Go back. Your khaki-pants-personified brother is here in Christmas Notch, Vermont? Is he here to buy the whole town and turn it into a coal plant? Is he the villain in a Hope Channel movie? What is even going on? Why haven’t you been updating me? Did you get more cats or a pet iguana too?”
I sat up and rolled out of bed, searching for a hairbrush. “No new pets, though I could really see myself bonding with a reptile. I did write half of that screenplay I accidentally sold, put some gingerbread-coated fingers up Isaac’s butt, got a bajillion-dollar ring stuck on my finger, and went on a double date with some super fucking hot librarians. Sadly, I didn’t go home with either of them.” I figured I’d save the details of my bathroom fuck with Isaac for another time. “And I didn’t want to interrupt your honeymoon. You barely had reception, anyway, so sending one random missive about boning Isaac would have only caused panic.”
Bee frowned with a nod. “Well, I’m here now.” She stood up and came around the bed to me, cradling my face in her hands.“And Sunny, no matter what happens with you and Isaac, I’m proud of you for doing a scary thing and I hope this won’t stop you from doing it again.”
I pouted for her benefit, even though what I really wanted to do was pull a blanket over my head and weep. The confession of love was a onetime deal. I’d touched the stove and getting burned once was enough, especially when the burning came with a side ofdo you think any of this is worth forgetting the love of my life?
I rallied, swallowing my feelings. I wanted to tell her everything, but I also wanted to sound like I was already halfway to over it, like it was just another wacky Sunny adventure for the history books.
