“That’s how you do things with people,” Kallum said. “You ask things of them. They ask things of you. That’s how you build trust, and love.”
“That’s very wise,” said Nolan.
Kallum beamed. “I read it in a parenting book.”
“I just thought I would be less of a problem if I hid away,” I said, and dropped my head into my hands. “I wasn’t tryingto make it the Isaac Show—I was trying to make it easier on everyone else. Like if I couldn’t be easy to be around, then I just wouldn’t be around anyone at all. You know?”
“We know, bud,” Nolan said.
“And all I wanted when I came here was to continue not being a problem. Finish my album. Hide from the townspeople, probably forever. That’s it.”
“That’s what you wanted when you came here,” Kallum said. “But what do you wantnow?”
The answer was immediate, because of course it was.
Her. I wanted her.
I wanted Sunny and I wanted to love her and I wanted to feel like Doris had told us Bernice had felt, like I could grow a new heart alongside my old one, and give it to Sunny completely.
If she’d even want it after how I’d acted. Why should she?
“I want to be with her,” I said, lifting my face. “I want to be someone who can give her what she deserves. She’s messy and adorable and perfect, and I want to love her until it hurts.”
“It sounds like it already hurts,” Nolan commented.
“And it sounds like you already love her,” added Kallum. “And that you need to admit to yourself that it’s okay.”
To my surprise, I found that I was crying, the tears blurring the shape of my friends in front of me.
Because yes, yes, I could admit that now, but what if it didn’t matter? What if I’d irrevocably ruined everything? And even if I could live with knowing that I’d never get a chance to hold her again, be with her again, how could I live with knowing that I’d hurt her like this? Knowing that she had an Isaac-shaped wound when I’d done nothing to help stitch it up?
“I need to talk to Sunny,” I said and stood up.
“Whoa, whoa—”
“Isaac, wait—”
“You look like shit,” Teddy said bluntly. “Wash your hair.”
“And maybe let your face un-carpet a little,” Nolan said. “It’s not looking good.”
“Zombieis a word that comes to mind,” Kallum contributed. “Ooh, no! You look like a dangerous drifter with a terrible past.”
“I think he looks like a pepperoni shifter that got stuck halfway through shifting,” Teddy said. And then added, at our expressions, “My son-in-law has been introducing me to these romance novels that you read on your phone. They’re a blast.”
“Okay, I’m going to shower,” I said.
This was met with a round of applause.
“And then I’m going to talk to Sunny and apologize and—”
“And?” they prompted in unison.
“And apologize a hundred more times. And then tell her that I want to be with her. For real. And then apologize some more.”
And this time the applause came with whistles, stamping feet, and an empty Capri-Sun pouch being tossed like a graduation cap up into the air.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
