Twenty-seven
Nate
The night Becca has her DallianceTower date, I am smart enough not to get assigned to be part of the crew, but stupid enough to sit in the production suite on one of the laptops afterward and review the footage of her making out with Preston on a bed covered in rose petals before the cameras leave them to their evening alone.
I make myself watch the footage over and over, studying the way she smiles at Preston, the way her fingers curl around the back of his neck. I tell myself over and over again that this is what she wants, that she was never mine, not really. I do it until I’m sure that the jealousy is going to consume me, and then I retreat to my room and crawl into bed in a puddle of self-pity.
As if I’m going to be able to sleep afterthat. I toss and turn, curl up into a tight ball, stretch out on the sheets. I close my eyes and stare into the dark, but all I can see is Becca practically on Preston’s lap, making out with him, and then the footage of the door closing. It’s been a while.They’re probably on round two by now.
Fuck.
I reach to the nightstand for my phone, checking out the likes on the latest episode ofJason Climbs Sh!t, which I neither produced nor was present for. I torture myself again by watching the last few episodes, watching my friends keep turning out hilarious, awesome climbing vids without me.
It’s not like I wanted Jason’s show to fall apart. I’ll still be involved when I’m in town, I hope, even though Jason’s pissed at me for moving on and getting another job. But it still doesn’t feel good to see the show keep ticking without me.There’s nothing quite like being replaced to make you feel . . . well, completely replaceable.
I turn my phone off and try to sleep some more, but it doesn’t work. So it is that at four AM I find myself using the internet to determine what time it is in Los Angeles.
It’s eight o’clock in the evening, my phone tells me. A completely reasonable hour to call. I dial Jason, and pray that he’ll pick up. Even if I don’t tell him about Becca, at least I won’t have to be alone with my thoughts.
“Nate!” Jason says when he picks up. “Dude, I didn’t think I’d hear from you until you were back. You’re not back yet, are you?”
“No,” I say. “I’m in Ireland for Dalliance week.”
“Dude!That’s awesome!”
It’s not, but I understand why he thinks this. Being in Ireland would be pretty cool if I wasn’t losing my mind here. Plus, he’s a fan of the show, so just knowing I’m here filming Dalliance week is a novelty.
“How is it going?” Jason asks.
I don’t know how I thought I wouldn’t tell him. Jason and I don’t usually sit around and dish about our personal lives, but I’m so starved for someone to talk to that what comes out of my mouth is, “I fell in love.”
“In Ireland?” He sounds surprised and confused, which is fair. I’ve never been in love before and he knows it. “Did you fall for some Irish girl?”
“No. I fell in love with a contestant.”
“Oh, shit,” Jason says. “How’s that going?”
“Well, it’s Dalliance week, and she’s off in the tower.”
“Shiiiiiiiiit.”
“Yeah,” I say. “That pretty much sums it up.”
“Does she know you’re into her?”
“Unfortunately,” I say, and I start from the beginning, filling Jason in about meeting Becca during interviews, the sexually frustrated carriage ride, the fabric in her zipper (which earns a protracted “duuuuuuuuuude” from Jason), her date with Preston, meeting her kids, and then her coming to my hotel room and the subsequent dissolution of all my hopes and dreams.
“She might not have sex with him tonight,” I say at the end of all that. “They don’t always have sex in the tower, right?”
“That’s true,” Jason allows. “They don’talways.”
I groan. “Who am I kidding? She’s probably banging him right now. She only dates onTinder. It’s not like sex is a big deal to her.” Obviously, given how easily she could hook up with me and then cast me aside. Of course it meant nothing to her. I was just another way for her to scratch an itch, just another guy who didn’t mean anything.
I wonder if Preston is different. He’s Prince Charming, after all.
“God, I’m an idiot,” I say. “How do you and Emily make it all look so easy?”
Jason laughs. “Easy? We almost broke up a couple weeks ago.”
