I cuddle into his side, and his body is warm and inviting against mine. I’m so, so glad he’s here, and yet . . . there’s still something bothering me, tugging at my mind. “Do you think,” I start, steeling myself, “do you think you can really be happy with me, even if you never feel that intense passion that you felt for Candace?”
Brendan looks confused. “What?”
“Like, I know I’m not that sexy,” I say. “I mean, I’m cute, sure, but I’m not, like, overtly sexual like Candace or Jane. Do you think that—”
“What?” Brendan’s whole face scrunches in disbelief. “Who told you that?”
“No one. But I have eyes.”
He gives me a long look, like he’s horrified we’re having this conversation, and my cheeks burn, and I try to think of something to say to change the subject, because really, what do I expect him to say?
“Um,” he says. “You’re sexy. You’re so incredibly sexy.These last four months have been an intense trial of my self-control.” His eyes widen. “And we had sex last night. Did you feel like I didn’t want you? Like I wasn’t into you? I mean, I know you were worried because you felt inexperienced, and I know I’m not always the greatest at—”
“No!” I say. “No, I definitely felt like you wanted me then. And later, you did say it was fantastic, which—”
“Which if anything, was a major understatement,” he says, staring at me. “Okay. So you felt like I wanted you, and you must have noticed my persistent need to hide the evidence of how much you turn me on, like, ever since we started spending time together.”
My cheeks continue to flush. “I may have noticed something a time or two. But you hadn’t had sex in three years, and—”
“Atimeortwo?” Brendan rolls over and looks down at me, propping himself up on his elbows on either side of my shoulders, and my whole body heats up. “I have had a constant case of blue balls ever since I met you, and that wasn’t true for the three years before that.”
I giggle. “That shouldn’t make me as happy as it does.”
He shakes his head at me, mock annoyance on his face. “Go ahead. Laugh at my pain. My literal pain, because I want you so bad and I haven’t been able to express it.”
I can’t help but feel a little doubtful, even though I can tell that he means it. “But when I asked you how things were with Candace, you talked about this intense thing you guys had. And then I asked you if you could ever feel that for me, and you said no.”
Brendan closes his eyes, and he’s quiet for a minute. “What I meant,” he says finally, “is that I don’t want the kind of sick relationship with you that I had with Candace. I don’t ever want to treat you the way I did her. If you need space, if you need to be away from me, I want to just give it to you. I don’t ever want to be in a situation like that again, where things are so bad most of the time. I’m not going to do that to you. I can’t, and I won’t.”
I run a hand up his neck, and he shivers. “I know you won’t,” I tell him. “I’m not worried about that at all.” I can’t take it anymore, having even these few inches between us. I lean in, and he leans in, and our lips find each other. It starts out gentle, soft, but as heat flares through me, our kisses quickly become all need and longing and fire, his hands in my hair, and mine at his neck, down his bare back, my body pressing against his—
Plastic coconuts. I make a little sound of surprise, because I’d totally—somehow—forgotten he was wearing big plastic coconuts. I burst out giggling, and he starts laughing, and we’re just holding each other and laughing and so, so happy.
“As amazing as these are,” I say, when my giggles have calmed down. “I think they’re getting in the way.”
“You didn’t factorthatinto your fantasies, did you?”
“Rookie mistake.” I trail my hands down along his side, feeling the muscles of his abdomen. I’m aching all over, but not in that sharp, painful, horrible way. “You know,” I say, in between tiny kisses, our lips lighting against each other again and again. “I’m still technically a virgin. Care to help me with that?”
His breath catches, and he pulls back just enough to look in my eyes. “Do you really want to?” he asks. “Because I’d understand if you need more time, or—”
“I want to,” I say, pressing my forehead to his. “Sooooo much.”
He chuckles. “Yeah, me too.”
I bite my lip. “Ugh, but we still don’t have condoms.”
His cheeks go pink. “Well . . .” He runs a hand through his hair. “I may have picked some up at the store. You know, just in case.”
I laugh. “Had a lot of faith in the effect that coconut bra would have on me, huh?”
“Maybe I just really hoped that I hadn’t totally screwed everything up with you, and that maybe I’d get the chance to be with you like this again.”
I smile against his lips. “I think you should definitely take that chance now.”
He clearly doesn’t need to be talked into it; he draws me closer toward him, his lips against mine again. I may have kissed him before, so many times now—even just moments ago—but the fire of it, the longing, floods through my body just as hot, just as all-consuming as the first time, maybe even more so.
Because OH MY GOD I’M GOINGTO HAVE SEX WITH BRENDAN.
