“No buts. She loves youso much. You guys have this awesome relationship, and she wouldn’t trade that for anything, I know it.”
He looks like he still might argue, but I reach out and grab his other hand. “Brendan,” I say, willing him to really hear me. “You were never something your mom had todeal with. I really think that given what she went through with your dad, having you to take care of might have saved her.”
He blinks those blue eyes, and his shoulders relax. “Really?”
I smile, thinking of how just moments ago I was the one asking him that same thing. I’m so grateful for what he told me, and that maybe I can return just a little of that comfort. “Really. And by the way, all that stuff about me being incredible and amazing?”
“Yeah?” He tugs his lower lip between his teeth.
“That’s how I feel about you too. You’re just—you’re the best person ever.”
“Ever, huh? Does this include Daveed Diggs? In a coconut bra?” He’s smiling back now, and I feel lighter.
“I stand by what I said.Ever.” I lay my head on his shoulder again and close my eyes. “Hey, maybe tomorrow night we should just stay in. No parties or dances. Just hang out and finish up whatever of that cherry vodka is left.”
“Do you think there will be any left, now that we’ve left the party unattended? Will we even have aroomleft?”
I laugh. “Maybe not. But we do have a toaster.”
He slides his arm back around me. “That’s good enough for me.”
Ten
Brendan
After last night, I decide I had better take the morning off from the con. We don’t have any events, so when Su-Lin heads off to the exhibition hall, I take a walk, find a Starbucks with an outside patio, buy a coffee, and call my mom. I feel a tiny bit of guilt about this, knowing Su-Lin can’t call hers. Her dad is awesome, and mine is a nightmare I’ll never wake up from, but she and her dad don’t talk about relationship stuff, so it isn’t the same.
I hope Su-Lin is wrong about the reason her mom left them, but even if she is, it kills me that she believes that her mom lefther, specifically. She deserves so much better than that. She deserves everything.
Mom’s probably at work, but she picks up anyway. “Brendan!” she says. “How are you doing?”
“Good,” I say, and I realize that’s actually true. Despite last night’s meltdown, I’m holding it together pretty well. Especially given everything that’s been going on.
“Good? Is that all you’re going to tell me?”
I smile. I told my mom that Su-Lin and I had decided to casually date, then promptly disappeared to make out with her in the studio and set up for the con. Mom loves Su-Lin and has basically decided that she’s going to be her daughter, so it’s understandable she’s dying for information.
Even if she knows I’m likely to give her details she’ll regret hearing.
“Still casually dating,” I say. “Or trying, anyway.”
“Trying? I’d think with as much time as you two spend together, it wouldn’t be hard to date.”
“It’s not,” I say. “It’s the casual part that we suck at.”
“Reeeeeally.”
I roll my eyes and take a sip of my coffee. “Yes. I’m sure it comes as a huge surprise that I’m not great at dating around, which I’m supposed to be doing. And I’m totally in love with Su-Lin, and it’s kind of hard to go out with her and nottellher that or do anything else that would make things more than casual.”
“You’re still going with that seeing other people thing.” She says this flatly, with the same dubious attitude she had when I told her about it the first time.
“Yeah. I mean, we’re trying to at least spend time with other people.”
Mom snorts. “As if you ever did that before.”
I groan. “Are you going to listen to me?”
“I’m listening! It’s not my fault you’re trying not to be serious with the girl you’ve been glued to for the last four months.”
