That takes me by surprise. Most people just assume that I do, given all the success we’re having. And I wouldn't tell most people the truth. “Not forever,” I say. “The band has been my whole life for a long time, but the lifestyle is hard, you know?”
Maya nods, like she believes this might be true, which is more than most people do. “All the traveling?”
“Not exactly,” I say. “I mean, I was a poor kid from Wyoming. My mom worked for the post office, for god’s sake. I know how lucky I am to have gotten to see all the places we’ve been.”
“Do you really get to see them? Or is it just a bunch of concert venues and airports?”
I smile.This is something else I owe to Shane. “I’ve actually seen quite a bit. Shane is always dragging us out of bed early to go see some tourist thing or another. JT and I grumble about it, but I’m grateful, because he’s right that we shouldn’t waste this opportunity.” I shrug. “But being on the road all the time makes it hard to have a real relationship, you know? I’d like to have a family someday, and the band isn’t really conducive to that.” I take a long drink of my soda, hoping that admission sounds way more casual—way more like something I'd say to anyone—than it is.
Maya looks at me thoughtfully. “And that’s something you want.To give up the parties and the groupies and all that.”
“Yeah,” I say. “I’m not exactly a huge party guy, if you haven’t noticed.”
Her eyes narrow slightly, like maybe she doesn’t believe me. Which is fine, I guess, but it still stings.
“Why are you still with the band, then?” she asks.
“Because I love it,” I say. “It’s hard to walk away. And me and Shane and JT have been playing together since we were kids. We’re like—I want to say like brothers but Ihavea brother. We’re closer than family. I don’t want to abandon them.”
“So you’d miss them,” Maya says.
That’s true. “And I don’t know how they’re going to react.”
Just thinking about it ties my stomach in a knot. Shane wasn’t even into Anna-Marie anymore, and he’s still pissed at her for moving away, so much so that he can’t stop lashing out at her in the music, even though I’m pretty sure she stopped paying attention a long time ago.
Maya looks like she’s going to question me more about that, but I’ve just realized that this is stuff Ireallyshouldn’t be saying to someone I don’t know.That’s not smart, no matter how comfortable I am with her. “But please don’t say that to the press,” I say quickly.
Maya smiles. “You mean you didn’t want me to record this?”
I shoot her a look, and she grins at me. “I have no interest in telling your secrets to the press,” she says. “But maybe you should watch who you tell this stuff to.”
I shake my head. “I usually do.”
The suspicious look is back, and I wonder if she thinks I’m using some kind of seduction technique on her. Really, though, it’s been a long time since I’ve talked to anyone I felt close enough to share these thoughts with. JT doesn’t really talk about deep stuff, and I never know how Shane will react.
Or maybe I do, and that’s what scares me.
“I’m going to come over there and kiss you,” Maya says.
I about fall off the end of the bed. “What? Really?”
She nods resolutely. “Yes. Is that okay?”
My whole body is heating up, and she’s still across the room. “Yeah,” I say. “Of course.”
Maya gets up and walks slowly over to me. I’m aching, wishing she would move faster, and I wonder ifshe’sthe one seducingme. If so, I’m all in.
Maya reaches the bed and sits down with her knee folded under her, facing me. I reach one hand out and rest it at her waist, and Maya looks into my eyes.
And then she rocks forward and our lips meet. It’s soft at first, gentle enough to make me crazy with longing. I reach an arm around her, pulling her closer, and our tongues are brushing, and I feel like my soul is on fire.The kiss deepens, just for a moment—
And then Maya pulls away, her eyes closed. “Yeah, okay,” she says. “I don’t think this is going to work.”
My heart drops about a foot. “It was sure as hell working for me.”
She nods, and opens her eyes. I swear she looks . . . sad. “Yeah, that’s the problem. I like you, but I don’t date rock stars. I don’t think long distance is a thing that even works.” She scoots away, shaking her head. “I mean, not that that’s something you were even wanting, right?”
I don’t want to answer that question.The truth is, I’m into Maya in a way I haven’t been into anyone in a long time. I get what she’s saying. I want more than a one-night stand. But if she doesn’t date rock stars—is this a rule people have?—then she’s right. It can’t work. I might want to leave the band eventually, but not anytime soon, not now that we’re doing so well. And definitely not for a girl I just met. Shane would lose his fucking mind, and really, so would I.
