She sighs. “It’s different for you.”
“It is the same.”
“It’snot. You’ve won a gold medal. You’ve won a World Cup. You’ve made millions. They’ll retire your jersey when you decide you’re done. You’re so famous that Kluvberg flew you halfway around the world so you could recover away from scrutiny. I’m not saying you don’t deserve any of that—you deserve all of it. But I-I don’t have any of it. I don’t feel like I’ve accomplished what I wanted to. And at some point… It feels like I should accept that and try something else.”
“When we met in Paris, you said you wanted to play professionally. Here, in the US.”
“I remember.”
“What do you mean, you did not accomplish what you wanted to? You came back and did that.”
Another exhale. “I was so excited when they announced Boston as the location of the next expansion team. When the Siege made an offer. It felt like a fresh start even though I was moving home. I got used to being a background player in Denver, and people paid more attention to me here. I was the hometown success story. I didn’t deal with the pressure well to begin with, and then Mom got diagnosed, and things at home were more challenging… I told Coach Taylor, and she had me meet with a sports psychologist.”
“Did that help?”
“Not really. Everything we worked on—pregame routines and bonding with my teammates and visualization—was helpful in certain moments. But then when Ireallyneeded them…nothing.”
“Is your mom… What is the…” I can’t figure out how to phrase the question, but Claire realizes what I’m trying to ask.
“Every case is different,” she says quietly. “She has good days and bad days. She can’t control it—I couldn’t control it—and I let that affect everything. We went to visit yesterday for Tommy’s birthday, and she was confused. It was easier to play along with her reality when it was just me and her. But her not recognizing Tommy? That’s hard. Especially for Cassidy.”
“Sorry.”
“Don’t apologize like it’s your fault. I’m just telling you…because I want to tell you, I guess.”
“How was the dinosaur party?” I ask.
Claire smiles. “It was good. Tommy had a blast, which was the important part. My, uh, my dad was there.” She plays with the zipper of her Siege windbreaker. “We talked a little. It wasn’t great, but it wasn’t horrible either. So…progress? He’ll be around more, it seems like. And it’s been fourteen years. I’ve spent more than half my life acting like I don’t have a dad, but I do, technically. I can hate what he did and not hate him… Maybe?”
I nod.
“I’ll pay you back.”
“For what?”
“You know for what.”
“It was not a big deal.”
“It was a huge deal, and I really appreciate it. But I can’t accept it.”
“Why not?” I challenge.
“Would you have paid for Savannah’s car to get fixed if it had broken down in the parking lot? Or Reyna’s?”
“Probably not.”
“That’s why, Otto. Right before it happened, you said you were going to treat me like every other player.”
“I was frustrated when I said that.”
She fiddles with the zipper again. “Because I stole your shirt?”
“Because you shut down every time Paris comes up.”
“Living it once was hard enough. And we were talking about your fiancée, not Paris, which Ireallydon’t want to discuss.”
“She is myex-fiancée, Claire.”
