OTTO
“You’re a little boring as a coach.”
I smile as soon as I hear her voice. It stays on my face as Claire takes the seat next to me.
“Am I?”
“We won, it’s a Friday night, and you’re not out partying?”
“You are here,” I state.
“Yeah, but I’ve always been boring.”
“You were never boring,” I counter. “And I did not party in…Paris.”
I throw it out there as a test. We’re… I don’t know what we are. Friends in some ways. Coach and player in others. But my relationship with Claire has always been unique. It’s never been easily definable.
Sometimes, the past feels off-limits between us. Sometimes, it feels like the past just took place, and we’re existing in the immediate aftermath.
“You partied after.”
“We had just won a gold medal. If I tried to disappear, everyone would have had questions. And I did not want to talk about it.”
She’s silent for a few seconds. “I never congratulated you.”
I exhale. “You did not need to congratulate me, Claire.”
“I should have though. I’m sorry I didn’t. I just…” She props her feet up on the chair in front of her, sinking down in the seat. “I was so wrapped up in my own disappointment. I felt like I’d let the whole team down. Blown my one big chance. By the time I was able to look past that, it felt like it’d been too long. And you never reached out, so…”
“I wanted to. But you told me to not show up at that match. After you lost, I did not know what to say. Did not know if you blamed me or had any solution for us or know if you wanted to hear from me.”
Claire says nothing.
We stare at the empty stadium.
“This might be my last season.”
I glance at her, startled by the statement. “What? Why?”
“I signed a two-year contract.”
“They will offer an extension, Claire.”
“Probably,” she agrees. “But I’m not sure if I should take it. Someone else could have my spot. Someone who…wants it more.”
I frown. “You do not want it?”
“I don’t know if I want it. I haven’t loved playing in a long time. I love parts of it, and I hate parts of it, and I want to retire before I hate all of it. Before all I remember are the losses and the letdowns and the bruises. Does that make sense?”
“Of course it makes sense.”
“So, you…agree? I should retire?”
I laugh. “Of course not.”
“But you just said…”
“You think I have not had hard days? You think I have not let goals in? You think I have not lost games? You think I have not had days I wondered if I should have taken over mygrandfather’s construction company, that he was right all along about football being a mistake?”
